For anyone who knows me well, having time to myself ... to think, write, read, study, ponder, daydream, be still ... is priceless.  I have a loose ritual that I go through to settle my mind and heart.  I usually grab my coffee cup (I have two favorites) and a little notebook that is a bit tattered.  I grab a colored pen (another favorite) and I jot down things that come to my mind that I can truly be thankful for ... a goodnight kiss from my 14 year-old, an irritating email that caused me to trust God more than myself, a surprise phone call and invitation to lunch.  Then, I wander over to a book a dear friend gave me years ago (see above).  It's rare that I want to copy other people's work in my blog, because this forum is all about me ... my work (Sarcastic tone can be inserted here.)  However, this morning, I find the words of author Sarah Young too good to be passed by.  Therefore, feast your eyes ... and if you dare ... your heart on her words from today's entry:

Worship ME only.  Whatever occupies your mind the most becomes your god.  Worries, if indulged, develop into idols.  Anxiety gains a life of its own,parasitically infesting your mind.  Break free from this bondage by affirming your trust in ME and refreshing yourself in MY Presence.  What goes on in your mind is invisible, undetectable to other people.  But I read your thoughts continually, searching for evidence o ftrust in ME.  I rejoice when your mind turns toward ME.  Guard your thoughts diligently; good thought choices will keep you close to ME.

What I adore about the aging process is not the saggy chin - and other body parts - but the wisdom that seems to settle nice and cozy in my brain like a good cup of Java.  I've spent too many years saying I love and worship God ... Creator ... Almighty ... while my behavior said otherwise.  My behavior said I have to plot, plan, worry and research options in my life, run them by God, then move forward hoping for the best.

In this phase of my life, I am trying to assume a position of quietness.  I'm learning to worship - perhaps for the first time - GOD.  God says to trust.  When I do any action based on  my own fear, worry, stress, knowledge ... I am worshipping ... me.  And can I say, it's so easy to worship me?!  I often make more sense!  I often have a plan that can be checked off the list.  I often have something to show for my actions, making me and others impressed.

When I choose to worship God, things get sticky.  He tells me to trust ... to wait ... to be silent ... to not retaliate ... to listen ... to allow Him to work ... to most often do things that make no sense to any other being on planet earth.  It's hard to swallow, this kind of worship.  It often doesn't make me feel good.  It often doesn't make me look good.  And then, that's it ... isn't it.  It doesn't become about me ... it becomes about the object of my worship.

it's not about me ...
christina

The last few weeks, Chris and I have been on a journey.  It's a journey that has caused us to look deeply and honestly before God.  You know, it's hard to lie about yourself when you are face to face with the Creator of the Universe!  Anyway, we've had to soberly look at some practical things such as language ability and some spiritual things like calling and obedience.  What sometimes has proven to be a difficult process has brought us into a beautiful place ... an honest place ... a place of freedom.

What our sober look has shown us is that our language needs improvement.  As we've felt the loving hand of God show us areas that we can improve upon, we've also found Him to provide people, ideas and a new sense of excitement about this journey! 

So, my journey begins with writing.  One of the areas that I have found to be a challenge (a really nice way of saying, "AGH!  It's just down right hard for me!") is writing.  Ironic, isn't it?  The thing that brings my heart happiness, relaxes and motivates me is the one thing in German that pretty much eats my lunch.

No more, my friends ... those days are gone!  For some time now I've been writing emails to my precious language partner and sending SMS messages (I know; it's shocking that I am functioning on this kind of high tech level) to other friends auf Duetsch.  However, recently I have undertaken the task of real writing ... writing from the heart to the heart.

A new Austrian friend has offered to help Chris and I in this area.  He gave us an assignemt ... to write the story of our Baptism.  Just a little side note here, our friend is a follower of Christ and is using God's Word to incorporate our language lessons!  How cool is that?  Anyway ... below is my essay.  To find out what is says, check out this link:
http://translate.google.com/#en|de|%0A%0A


Als ich ein Kind war, wuchs ich in einem christlichen Zuhause auf.  Ich hatte die Liebe zu Gott, aber ich hatte auch Angst vor Gott.

Als ich 19 war, gab ich Gott mein ganzes Herz.  Von diesem Moment an erfuhr ich zum ersten Mal in meinem Leben völligen Frieden.

Bald wurde ich getauft.  Es war am Vatertag im Jahr 1987.  Ich hatte keine Angst.  Ich wollte, dass die ganze Welt meine Lieben für Gott sieht.

Meine Taufe war für mich ein Neuanfang.  Nach dieser Zeit befand ich eine neue Sichtwise.  Nach dieser Zeit war ich mich auf einer neuen Reise.

Wenn ich an diese Zeit zurückdenke, freue ich mich, dass ich Gott kennen lernen durfte.

It's funny what this little writing experience has done for me.  I was feeling and believing based on past experiences and a poor test score that I was a looser writer.  Wouldn't that be just like our enemy ... someone the Bible describes as one who comes to kill, steal and destroy ... to reinforce that belief?  Guess what?  I can write.  I can learn to write better.  I am writing.

I mentioned that not only has God shown us the need to improve our language, He's also affirmed a sense of calling to this place.  Calling is a weird thing.  When I look at the Bible, I see how God called all kinds of people in all kinds of situations to do all kinds of things.  I recently was reading something about Billy Graham written by Marshall Shelley, editor of Leadership magazine.  Here's what Marshall said about Calling:

Fugitive and sheep-herder Moses had an irresistible encounter with a burning bush. Peter and Andrew left fishing nets to follow an itinerant rabbi and were recognized and promoted from the larger group of followers and designated by their leader as "apostles" (Luke 6:13-14). For Saul, it was a blinding light, the Lord's clear voice, and the grace-filled guidance of Ananias.

Funny thing, Calling.  I'm struggling to see how we moderns would explain Moses' Calling ... a burning bush is pretty ... weird, leaving a secure fishing job not advisable, and seeing a light - one strong enough to blind you and hearing the voice of God ... wow ... sounds like the things science -fiction movies are made of.  Not sure I have all the theological answers that would give me a concrete definition.  All I've got is God's Word.  Dramatic as the above experience may seem, I think you gotta look through a differnt lens to appreciate the beauty and creativity and perhaps ... weirdness of how the Holy Spirit spoke to these examples of calling.  They don't fit in a box ... and that's what I most appreciate.

As we move forward, learning how to write better, learning how to turn a great phrase and talk about complex subjects, I am confident in this:  the One who called us ... He's pretty capable of equiping us to do what He needs us to do!!

Moving forward ...