I don’t think I’ve given a proper update about the results of my detox. In a word: success!! The first week was hard, like so hard I thought I might cry if a morsel of sugar did not touch my lips, slide down my esophagus and land in my desperate belly. However, after the first week, shazam!

In fact, I have felt so good that I started the process of decreasing my anxiety meds! After several successful weeks with no bumps in the road, I knew I was on my way out of Rx freedom. However, this week verse 29 of the same anxiety song I’ve song for years began.

Just to sum up what has been, I want to include an excerpt from my dialogue with God. I do this like uncovering a precious antiquity before a crowd of bidders at Tiffany’s … but know the words will speak volumes. These words, written through the tremors of a familiar mental earthquake called anxiety, say more …

Father,
Today I am desperate for you.
I will not fear, for you’ve taken away the fear of the anxiety.
I will walk through this because of your unfailing love for me. You have not nor will you fail me.
When I cannot feel the path laid out before me – I will trust in you.
When my body betrays me – I will trust in you.
When I want to run from you, I will run all the faster toward you.
Take my hand …
Take my heart …
Take me …
And lead me …
And let your unfailing love do its work in my heart and mind and body today.
I love you.

That was on Monday, August 22. Today … Saturday … all is OK. I jumped back on the meds, took a little down time, cried a few tears on the shoulder of my Chris, and was quiet. The storm passed. Nothing changed … yet everything changed.

I tell you this … I write this… so you will not pity me. How can I be pitied for what I gain through each battle? How can I be pitied for being drawn to the renewed point of knowing Jesus is all I need? I’ll say it again and again – anxiety is a gift. It keeps me from being less dependent on me and ever dependant on God.

Two days after my heart cry … perhaps battle cry … I read the following: “For since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for him.”

During this week, my sweet Addison sent the following link to me. I didn’t listen to it until today. The words are true. Weak people need a strong God. It is not a sign of weakness to put your faith in a big God who has all the answers. Try to be all you need and you will come up short … and empty … and discouraged all the time. Turn it over … let it go … take a chance of the God who spoke unknown universes into creation yet knows the very numbers of hair on your head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifeJRC5lvhs&feature=youtu

Forever His ...
Christina

I’m in detox. Detox from fats, bread, grains, cereal, caffeine, fats, and sugar. I am allowed to eat fruits, veggies, and 8 oz of lean meat a day. I hate it. I’m not denying my feelings. I plain ol’ hate it.

Why am I doing detox? Good question; I’m still trying to figure that one out! Actually, my dearest, Marti, went through the same detox and afterwards claimed she felt “great”. The purpose is to cleanse the body of toxins, flush out excess fat from your system and help balance hormones. After reviewing the benefits, my Chris, Addison and I decided we’d give it a go.

Detox from the things I love, like ice cream, dark bread with peanut butter, a large cup of coffee, chocolate, cheese … pretty much everything I am not eating right now, is tough. I am not reaping the benefits of the detox. I am not seeing any results in waistline. I am not a happy camper.

So why do this? I’m doing it for the long term benefits. I feel yucky. I feel tired. I feel hungry. I feel deprived. But, I’m doing it. I know that it will make a difference in my body. Right now, I hope I am experiencing the effect of all the “bad” stuff getting out of my system. Later, I’ll reap the benefits of feeding my body with the “good” stuff.

Wait a minute … I feel a modern day parable coming on!

Detox is like the journey of following Christ. At whatever age you choose to follow Him, you are detoxing your spirit. The purpose is much like the body detox, to cleanse, flush out stuff that doesn’t need to be there, and to find balance. There are definite benefits.

However, my experience was that when I realized that following Christ was the truth, the best way to live life, I felt … yucky! I was told by those in my church that following Christ meant eternity in heaven. True. What no one told me what the detox process. What happened to life “happily ever after?”

Please don’t get me wrong. I am grateful for those that pointed me to the truth. I am not grateful for the lack of guidance in my life. Guidance that should have told me, “Listen sister. You are not complete, whole, right with God until you realize He made a way for you to experience life to its fullest through His Son, Jesus Christ. Accept Him. But, do so with this warning. Your life will never be the same. You will wonder why you suffer, why you struggle, why bad things happen. You will find yourself not fitting in, not coming close to living like you should, and not always being happy. But, it’s worth it. It’s worth going through the transformation of spiritual detox. Living through spiritual detox means that when you suffer, you are not alone. Living through spiritual detox means that when you struggle, you have the power of Jesus Christ living inside you to guide you. Living through spiritual detox means that when bad things happen, you will have peace, unspeakable and unimaginable. You won’t fit in, because you are called to live as a peculiar person. You won’t come close to living like you should, but every day, if you surrender to the power of the Holy Spirit living inside you, you will become more and more like your Jesus. You will not always be happy, but you will always have joy.

So, that’s the end of my modern day parable. Detox for the spirit is needed to become more like Christ. If that’s your goal … go for it!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go gnaw on a cucumber.