Surprise

This face.
I got to see this face this week (and will continue to see this face until November 16th).
I got to surprise this face by showing up on her front porch.  She had NO IDEA that I was coming.

Thursday, October 29, 2015:  Surrender.
If you have walked with God for any length of time, you know that surrender is a process.  Sometimes it's a surrender of myself.  Sometimes it's a surrender to Him, His ways, His purposes.  Sometimes it's a surrender to my ideal of what my life should look like.  Surrender always involves my letting go and trusting that in the letting go ... He has it all.

On this day, I surrendered my desire to be physically with my Addison.  Again, if you read the last blog, you understand that Addison's R.A. diagnosis is not a death sentence.  However, it was a blatant reminder that an ocean and a 22 hour journey separates me from my first-born.  My desire to BE with  her had to be surrendered.  And so on this day, the white flag rose.

Friday, October 30, 2015:  Tears.
While riding the Ubahn with my Chris, he handed me his phone and said, "Read this."  What unfolded in the default font of his email account in black and white letters was a sentiment of love and generosity.  A simple statement:  "I think she [Addison] needs her Mamma.  We'd like to bring Christina home."

Tears.  Right there in front of my Austrian comrades, clad in their stoic, public faces I burst into a moment of pent-up emotional release rivaled only to the moment when Emma Thompson's character in "Sense and Sensibility" learns that her beloved Edward Farris is NOT married and has come to declare his love for her!  I was going to see my girl.

The emotional outburst was more of complete astonishment.  Even now, such gracious extravagance by God toward me throws me off, out of kilter, makes my head spin!  Wow ... HE is so good ... and so full of surprises!!

Again - WOW!  The God of the Universe, in the middle of suffering all over the word, and refugees, and terrorist attacks, and dying children, and homeless Mom's, and ... the list goes on ... He heard MY cry.  Somehow, I tend to believe that MYneeds and heart and issues are less important, carry less weight, and may not go seen by God.  Afterall, I have so much!  I'm so blessed and have such a great life.  When "issues" arrise that bring harship, I rate my hardships against all the other hardships on the  green and blue planet and mine seem so insignificant and tiny compared to most.

And then, because HE is God and I am not, He shows me the great extent of His "God"ness.  Nothing goes unseen.  Nothing is rated.  Hurt is hurt.  Pain is pain. He sees all and knows all.  Because I am His child, my heart matters.

And that was enough.  That's what I thought I had surrendered.  And that's what brought the tears.  He gave what I thought I did not or could or would not ever be able to receive ... and He gave it to me as a ... SURPRISE!

Wednesday, November 4, 2015:  Giddy.
I boarded a plane in Vienna with my final destination being Oklahoma City.  God had provided a plane ticket, the use of a car and phone, some spending money, and a whole lot of giddy.

This week, Addie and I are exploring some treatment options, a gluten-free lifestyle, and lots of coffee moments.  My goal is to get to be Mamma 24/7 until I get back on my plane.  For friends and family in Oklahoma, I love you all.  I love you, but my time is funneled by the needs of my oldest.  This is my gift and I am ever grateful for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!!

smiling and giddy and grateful,
christina