Tired and Resolved

Tired.  Adjective.  Exhausted of strength or energy; fatigued.  Similar words: haggard, drained, knackered, travel-worn.

Resolved.   Verb.  Simple past tense of resolve.  Similar words:  determined, deliberate, resolute.

On one side a rut that is smooth and familiar, the path of Tired.  

One foot walking in Tired, it's familiar and draining and comforting all at the same time.  Tired makes me spend way too much time watching Youtube videos on makeovers, gardening, and cooking shows.  Tired forces me to bed and long for sleep that doesn't come.  Tired makes me want to eat more.  Tired makes me snippy to my daughter when I don't want to be.  Tired makes me not dream.  Tired keeps me tied to worry.  Tired doesn't require a lot of me and begs for activity to come to a halt.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of feeling like anything that I say, that doesn't fit into mainstream acceptable norms, will be criticized, mocked, and more than likely canceled in this new cancel culture.

I'm tired of wondering where the principles of free-speech, constitutional freedoms, and religious liberty have  been swept.  

I'm tired of hearing news feeds that slant.  Of celebrities that judge.  Of the far right demeaning opposing views.  Of the far left waging war on the middle conservative.  Of where a hug from a political opposite demands the stripping of character.

I'm tired of opening Facebook and seeing discord, intolerance, name-calling, disrespect, avowing and disavowing of world views.

I'm tired of wondering what kind of lessons my mostly adult children are learning in what seems to be a hostile world.  

I'm tired of trying to keep my home a safe place because the contrast of what lies outside it's doors is something I've never recognized in my entire life on the planet.

I'm tired of COVID.  I'm tired of being tested, of being afraid, of being too "unsafe", of rescheduling face-to-face meetings, of blaming, of shaming, of thinking about it.

I'm tired of hearing theories of what the election means for America.  I'm tired of hearing how one candidate may spin the course of U.S. history to a socialist flavor and how another will allow hate mongering and racial injustice to fuel anarchy.

I'm physically tired, all the time.  

I'm tired of being tired.

Tired is overbearing and could easily distract from the other side of the path the rut that feet find hard to find footing.  This is the path of Resolve.  

One foot walking in Resolve, it requires energy, demands staying in Truth, and forces me to see with eyes of faith.  Resolve encourages me to find the good in everything.  Resolve allows me the opportunity to say the apology said when grumpy, go the extra mile and not go back to bed, eat the salad and feel good about feeding my body well.  Resolve comes from the quiet.  Resolve comes from a belief that the world I live in is not my permanent address.  Resolves strengthens listening ears of the Divine to see the way He sees, love the way He loves, and respect persons because they are made in His image.

I'm resolved.

I'm resolved that despite the color of the political party my neighbor supports, I can bring a pot of chili to bridge gaps and not build walls.

I'm resolved to smile through a mask that covers my face and elicits strong feelings from those who feel I'm selling out to the conspiracy theories requiring my mask to be worn in the first place.

I'm resolved to continue to believe that good always wins.  

I'm resolved to leave a quarter in my basket at Aldi because I know there will be an old man or a young mom who forgot theirs and my quarter will ease the stress of their day.

I'm resolved to pay for the gas of an international student I just met because my small gift will bring big dividends to their experience of what it means to live in America.

I'm resolved to flood my Facebook feed with positivity and biblical soundness because a little good news goes a long way.

I'm resolved that God, despite polls, riots, economy or my own mood is bigger - way bigger - than any obstacle toward my well-being.

While tired, I will remain resolved.  There are greater dividends to Resolve.  I may need to be reminded of them when the voice of Tired shouts louder.  But, I will strive to make Resolve the greater friend and Tired the bigger foe.  

Two paths of the same road are being walked in during these strange days.  The paths are Tired and Resolved. Which will you choose?