I've just finished reading a book entitled, The God I Never Knew, by Robert Morris.  In the last chapter, he tells a story of a poor man in Eastern Europe during the early 1900's.  Seeking a new life in the land of promise, America, he boards a ship to find his dream.  Leaving his family behind and  having no extra money for extravagances like food, he begins his journey with a knapsack of cheese and crackers.

Nightly, he watches as other passengers file into the dining room, enjoying the warm meals that were served.  Knowing he was not able to afford such meals, he retired to his tiny room and ate his cheese and crackers.

Finally, after the 12th day at sea, the Statue of Liberty came into focus on the horizon.  As this poor man stood among the other passengers gazing at their symbol of a new life, a ship steward recognized the man.  Sheepishly the steward asked the man why he had not taken any of his meals with the other passengers.  He didn't mean to pry, but wondered why he gave up the meals that were included in the cost of his ticket.

"We set a place for you at every meal, bu you never came."

Mr. Morris makes a comment after the retelling of this story:

"The opportunity for blessing and provision on his journey had been forever missed."

The poor man didn't know that his meals were covered.  He sacrificed hot meals for crackers and cheese.  He longed for what he saw provided to others and never knew it was offered to him as well.

How about us ... we who say we know God.  God has so much more in store for us than a "cheese and crackers" religion.  It's not about going to church, being good, obeying rules.  Saying "yes" to a relationship with God offers us so much more yet the average Christian, I believe, is saying "I'll stick to the cheese and crackers, thank you."

Fear, preconceived ideas, traditions, unrealistic expectations drive us to tiny rooms that only offer cheese and crackers.  What God - Almighty, Loving and Gracious - has for us is meals in the dining room!  Dare we step out, set aside the cheese and crackers, and enjoy?

throwing away crumbs for more,
christina

Several years ago, a friend gave me a book called "Wonder, Fear and Longing:  a  Book of Prayers".  One of the ideas the book gives to experience Jesus in a fresh way is the following example I have used many times with my daughter, Libby.

Last night was no exception.  As I was tucking Libby in her cozy bed, knowing that after a busy weekend packed with lots of quality family time, a little melancholy ten-year-old would be trying to get herself back into school mode.  It wasn't working in her own strength.  I knew what I had to do ... lead her to the beach.  Before I could, she says to me in her sleepy and a bit stressed little voice, "Mama, do the Jesus on the beach thing with me.".

So, with words to paint pictures in her mind, I lead her to a quiet beach.  She's all alone yet unafraid.  She sees a figure coming toward her.  She instantly recognizes the friends she's come to know the closer his feet carry him toward her.  It's Jesus.  He sits down next to her as she gazes out toward the quiet sea.  He nudges her softly and asks her, "What are you thinking about, Libby?"

She then has all the quiet moments she needs to pour out her heart to her friend, Jesus.  As she shares conversation in her heart, I see the evidence of communication going on within her.  I smile as she has her eyes intensely shut and her lips quietly separate invisible words to her friend.  When she's done, she squeezes my hand.

It's then I paint more words into her imaginary canvas and ask her to sit still ... and grab that hand that has now reached for hers ... and listen.  Her friend, Jesus, has something to say to her heart.  She remains still while she hears with the ears of her heart what He says to her innermost places.

Then, I kiss her softly.  Her body and mind now at rest ... my soul joins their company.  God, the Creator of the Universe, has used words of His Son, Jesus, to quiet the heart of my Libby.  She's found comfort through the power of God, the Holy Spirit.

It's a reminder.  If God can calm the heart of a stressed out 10-year-old He can calm the heart of her uncertain Mama!  All we both have to do is ask!

Asking and receiving,
christina

Due to the fact that January is just a natural time to regroup, reconnect, reorganize and step in different directions, I'm reading.  I love to read.  I love to read good stuff.  I especially love to read good stuff by authors I just happen to know.  This is the case with my new years' read:  Digesting Grief:  Comfort Food Beyond Cliches by Irene Nielson.

My relationship with Irene began as a child living in Great Falls, Montana.  My Dad's career as an Air Force man moved us to Big Sky country when I was in the second grade.  Sometime after, the Nielson's became family friends (see blog post on Oct. 13, 2013 entitled #191) and their two daughters kindred spirits.  Many moves and years later found Irene sitting in my Dad's living room recently, catching me up to speed on her life.  As a result, this book found it's way into my hands ... and now her words are sinking into my heart.

Irene writes this after knowing great grief, the loss of a 27 year old daughter to cancer.  Out of her pain, darkness, tears, questions, she writes an honest account of one who is trying to figure out this God she's followed for years but who has taken her quite by surprise.

"There's a place for grief ... a place to be perfected in love where we learn the value of trusting god without having all the answers ... yet.  Grief is good ... I can say that now." p. 29

I've not lost a person ... I think I'm grieving something I can not see.  Watching children grow up, parents age, my own ideals about life morph, those I love experience deep hurt ... it's all kind of caused a grief process.  And now, as I find myself in a place of rest, I sense a grieving.

Isn't that the story of all of us?  At one point or another, we stumble onto the fact that there are things that happen that go beyond our understanding, our tidy solutions, our plan.  It stumps us, throws us, upsets our way of thinking and causes us to rethink ... everything.  Irene writes of discovering God in a way that without having walked through grief she would not have known Him.  That's my hope as I read and let her words fall in my heart.

Reading and listening,
christina

Digesting Grief:  Comfort Food Beyond Cliches
Copyright 2009 by Irene S. Nielson
Steeple Books

To find out more about Irene Nielson, visit:  www.hisink.com

I don’t have a tale to tell this week.

My anxiety episode was, to my great surprise, a short one. What I anticipated being a time of recuperating ended up being a really productive week.

This week, I was able to have lunch with an Austrian friend. Her biggest burden in life being the strain of being a full-time working Mom and feeling like a part-time effective Mom. I get that.

Last night, I spent an evening preparing 9 high school girls for the Prom. Partnering with precious Parker for hair and make-up for all (should I mention that 5 of them spent the night and we did a big breakfast for the sleeping beauties?) they left our house looking like the masterpieces they truly are!



After working her long fingers to the bone and using every ounce of creative energy she had in making the Prom girls fabulous, I took Parker to dinner. We ate at an Italian cafe and sat outside and talked. Afterwards, she took me to a new yogurt place … yummo! We found a great people-watching place and sat downtown watching all the tourists, trying to pick out their root of origin.

And, one of the things I’ve been doing a lot of in preparation for the closing of the school library for the summer is reading. I finally finished reading a very thought-provoking book called Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey. He takes a look at 13 people who have most influenced his spiritual journey. I won’t try to paraphrase what he says, instead let me insert a portion of his own words from the epilogue:

As I review the list in total, I see flawed, not perfect, people. Several of them a psychiatrist would probably diagnose as unstable. Each one had longings that went unfulfilled, dream that never entered reality. I learn from them how to handle my own longings. Soren Kierkegaard said, “With the help of the thorn in my foot, I spring higher than anyone with sound feet.” Some of the people profiled in this collection demonstrate that proverb as well.

One of the things that I may end up doing as my “summer project” is to head the suggestion of making a list of those people who have shaped my life for the better, and try to figure out why.

Ironically enough, I believe that at the top of my list will not be a person, but a thing … called Anxiety … that has shaped my life for the better. Funny, how at the first of this week, I stared into the all too familiar eyes of this thing I’ve lived with for so long, not desiring it’s company. However, its stay was short, too short to be anything less than a major miracle, an act of healing, and a supernatural intervention from a loving God who has authority over all things … even anxiety!

I have a friend named Jackie. Jackie is a walking resource center. You need something on ADHD, she’s got it. You need to know the metric equivalent of a ½ ounce, she’s got it. You need to know how to buy a juicer, she’s got it. You need to know where to buy a Russian Bible in a German speaking country, she’s got it. You need directions … don’t ask!

Recently during an impromptu coffee date, she mentioned the title of a book she had just finished reading, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I tucked the information into the constant open file that is my brain and went on my way. I thought of it more for other people than for me … (such a martyr) … but then kept thinking about the book.

Fast forward to another coffee date with another friend, Carrie. Catching up on all things from kids to recipes, she mentioned something God was doing in her heart concerning her marriage. Her words resonated deep in my heart. In fact, God used her words to stick so deep into my heart … to the point that before we said goodbye, I asked her if she would keep me accountable to order the book Jackie mentioned … and another one she suggested.

Now, I am a book gal. I love reading. As a kid, I should have done more running about than reading … but books were a great escape. I love to read all kinds of books. However, I am not one that hangs her hat on every new book that comes down the literary pike. I know that lots of great people write great things! However, not every great writer has a great new principle to follow for everyone that reads it! Sometimes, it’s just a revelation that was to be imparted to that person for that time to alter their behavior or give insight to a new way of doing things … for them. It’s not meant to be a stamped copy for others to follow as “rule” and implement in their own lives.

Let me case a rabbit here. Because of the line of work my husband is in, he gets lots of new information on the latest ways of reaching people. Many, many, many of them are great resources and help a brain catch a vision for trying something new. Kudos to those kinds of things! However, just because it is in print, and just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s something I need to do/try/worship in my life. If I am not hearing from and reading the words of my Father on a daily basis … then trying to add a human author’s guidebook for my life is a little sort sighted on my part. I’ve got to daily be investing in the relationship that matters and then add other things that He allows and desires into my life as wisdom to influence and help grow what He is already doing. Enough said. Off my soap box.

I came straight home from my coffee date with Carrie, told Chris about the books I felt God wanted me to read and ordered them straight away.

I’m reading Love and Respect. On the back of the book there is a statement that says:

A Simple Message
A wife has one driving need – to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need – to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy.

I’ve been reading this book saying things like, “Oh that’s good!” I’ve been underlining things I want to repeat to others. I’ve been making mental notes of things I’ve seen others do and why their marriages suffer.

Then, last night, I get to put into practice the basic biblical principle this book is talking about. Wives, respect your husbands.

I’ve been sick. Now, Addison is sick. Chris lines up a doctor’s appointment for both of us. The office is in our neighborhood, a mere 5 minute walk from our place.

I am a direction girl. I have a good head on my shoulders when it comes to directions and can find my way around very well. My Chris ... generally ... isn’t. That’s why we are a good match! Knowing this about my Chris, I ask him before we leave the house if I should Google map the directions to make sure we know the way. Nope. He’s got it.

After a 5 minute walk in our neighborhood, we find no doctor’s office. After standing on the corner of an intersection, waiting for Chris to ask someone for directions, we find no doctors office. It’s cold. I’m sick. Addison is sick. “This is why I suggested I look at the directions before we left the house,” I say in a self-righteous knower of my way around tone of voice.

There. I did it. I inserted a dagger into my Chris’ Respect. He didn’t need my little sassy comment. I felt so justified in saying it. I felt it needed to be said. I wanted to say it so he would know I was right. I wanted to remind him who has the better sense of direction. Fact is … he knew all of that before I opened my mouth. It didn’t need to be said.

I could feel the impact of my hateful words the minute they tripped of my tongue. Instead of being a jerk, instead of engaging in my immature banter, he simply replied with … “I’m trying really hard here.” Ouch.

Fact is, for the last 6 days, he has been father, mother, cook, taxi, book reader, homework helper, medicine giver, all the while trying to maintain his daily work schedule. I didn’t take time to consider these facts … I just knew from my selfish point of view that he wasn’t finding the doctor’s office and I was “suffering”. That’s mature!

After trying one more office, we began the treck back to our place in hopes to start all over in finding the doctor’s office, which we successfully did just … 5 minutes in the other direction. During the treck home, my Chris walked beside me, grabbed my hand, and said he was sorry. He was sorry! It was I who needed to be sorry!


I love this man. After 20 years of marriage, I’m getting this sense that the years before this day have all been rehearsal. Now, it’s the real thing. Now it’s time to really make the days count. I’ve done what I’ve done to make this good, but now good is not enough. I want to make this … sacred. I want to be a respectful wife … to meet the needs of my husband … but to allow others to get a glimpse of glory in our marriage! God does things like that … use the humble and weak to show the glory of a real God.

So now, over the blogger network … and in front of God and everyone … I am making a statement to relearn Respect. I’ll keep you posted. Perhaps if you want the truest picture of how I’m doing … ask my Chris.

In Billy Graham’s book, Unto the Hills (Word, 1986), he makes this statement that I find quite controversial: “Our generation has become well versed in Christian terminology, but is remiss in the actual practice of Christ’s principles and teachings.”

Then, I read in God’s love letter to mankind in Psalms other controversial things like … “The Lord, strong and mighty; the Lord, invincible in battle. For you have rescued me from my trouble and helped me to triumph over my enemies. What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on pilgrimage.”

Our friends, John and Shannon, are here. It’s the first time the four of us have sat in my living room for over 2 ½ years. Most of our conversations center on the theme of what we see God doing in the world … and in our lives.

They are not perfect. My Chris and I are not perfect. We talk about how living out the practices and principles of Christ are a challenge, but one well worth the taking. We talk about how we know the terminology of faith but trying to live it out when the car breaks down or the computer crashes is difficult. We talk about the terminology of our true identity as believers and followers of Christ … but then how difficult it is to walk in that identify when we feel inadequate and unattractive (ok, that’s just Shannon and I because that’s a girl thing … this feeling unattractive. But, alas, that’s another blog!). Sadly, we talk about those who we’ve known that have ceased to or regressed in their journey with Christ. We talk about them with the sober reality that but for the grace of God we could be talking about ourselves.

Where, oh where are the followers of Christ that believe what the love letter from God claims as truth?

Where are those that believe that the Lord is strong and mighty? We settle, instead, for a God we say is strong and mighty but then we take it upon ourselves to be stronger and mightier and solve the problems with our own resources. It’s easier to slap down the credit card than to trust in a mighty God with unlimited resources.

Where are those that would declare that they’ve been rescued from trouble and triumphed over enemies? We settle, instead, for just getting by because it’s too much effort and personal sacrifice to really go deeper and find a permanent solution.

Where are those whose joy comes from the Lord and have set their minds toward following a radical God? We settle, instead, for fleeting joy from a pill, a bottle or a shopping spree and cloud our minds with cultural distractions, ignoring our inner cries of self longing and dissatisfaction.

I pray to a God I know created the universe yet I doubt His power in revealing Himself to my neighbor. I declare my devotion to a loving God that knitted me in my mother’s womb, and then wonder if He is able to balance my hormones. Pitiful … and yet so human.

I’m inclined to thinking it’s not the doubt that keeps us from discovering God, but in the midst of doubt, setting our minds on pushing through it and coming face to face with Him and discovering His power.

Where are those who would do the same? If we don’t, we lose everything. It’s time for us to wake up! Our status as blessing receivers and hoarders is quickly coming to an end. Radical living is called for … radical faith, radical joy, radical believe.

Taking it all in,
Christina

When last I typed, the holiday “magic” was still among us: wrapped gifts under the tree, secrets being kept, last minute plans being made. Now, gifts are unwrapped, secrets let out of the bag and plans followed through. Now how’s that for a cheerful perspective?

Actually, despite my melancholy words, I am looking forward to what the New Year holds. This time of year always forces me to reflect on the old and strain to see the new. That’s a good thing.

Right now I’m reading a book that is finding its way into my head and heart in a fresh way. The title: Your God is Too Safe. The author: Mark Buchannan. If you dare, read it. Recently I’ve taking to reading things the Holy Spirit leads me to … finding there is a deeper purpose. I’m certain the purpose of this book, alongside the scriptures it is leading me to deeper investigate, spur me into seeing God as the Beaver’s from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe saw the famed Aslan. “He’s not safe, but He’s good.”

So, good and bad, whatever comes into my life (due to my own poor choices or by God’s divine hand) I want to approach 2011 with that same perspective. When my dryer breaks and remains broken, I say … this is not some trick from an uncaring God … this will serve a purpose because my God is good. When my girls have problems with friends, I say … this is not a cruel and unkind God trying to punish them … this is allowed from a good God who loves them more than I. If I hear of a diagnosis for a loved one … or myself I say, this is not the result of something I have to pay for … this is the result of a good God showing me His loving-kindness when I need it most.

So, if you dare … read the book.

On another note ...
My Chris and I have been married 19 years. We celebrated … alone … for 2 days. Over all the years that have passed between us, it’s weird to see him not as I married him, but as I’ve grown older with him. My heart has not counted the lost hairs, jobs or faith in people. Instead, my heart has paid attention to the tears over hurt, prayers over me, uncertainty over life. My heart has grown over his courage in the face of fear, his loyalty over leaving and his humbleness when he could have chosen pride. Because I see him reading his Bible while eating breakfast, or see him kneeling by our bed when there is no one else upstairs, or hear him praying in the girls ears while they lay in their beds asleep … I love him. Because he fold clothes just to help me, tells me he’s sorry when I know I’m more at fault, and tells me I look beautiful when I feel like a grape … I love him. It’s the everyday stuff that goes routinely unnoticed yet somehow stands out when you reflect. It’s the everyday stuff that stacks up in your favor at the end of the day. It’s the everyday stuff that makes me glad I am the bride of my Chris.

In closing, read the book if you dare … and love others well.