My Chris and I will be married - this December 28, 2016 - for 25 years.  That sounds like something a parent, a real adult, someone other than me would say!  Yikes!  Yet, here I am.  All grown-up and getting ready to (if I were truly operating in the full gifting of my Oklahoma roots I would say fixin' to) celebrate a milestone with my man.  Wow.

So it's funny, ironic, insightful, and reflection worthy to note that right now he and I are taking a young couple through marital counseling before they tie the knot, break the glass, get hitched, strap on the ball and chain this coming summer.

Now, to me, marriage is the single-most event in my life that has shaped who I have become.  Hairstyles - they've come and gone.  Diets - yep, they came and went.  Friends - come and gone, too.  But, this man, My Chris, this human I said "Yes" to and entered into wedded bliss with ... This man has weathered the storm, huddled under the umbrella, fastened down the hatch, and traveled the most interesting journey alongside me.  I've been an Elledge longer than I was my maiden name (which is Poe ... Which is funny because Po in German means butt ... And so I just have to laugh when I type it).  And - despite what the media says, what Public opinion polls say, what films say, what other married couples say, marriage has only gotten better.  In fact, I love this guy!  I've learned that loving doesn't always mean liking.  I've learned that loving always means sacrifice.  I've learned that loving always means learning.  I've learned that loving will usually always mean change.  I've learned that the worst in me will always be seen.  I've learned the best in me will always be brought out.  I've learned that - together - we are really, really good.

As I walk this brand new journey with the young about-to-be-bride that sits across a cafe table from me, I have to smile on the inside.  She represents me.  She has NO IDEA what she is getting into!  And yet, she will never be the same.  Marriage does that.

When that man of mine and I stood at the alter with mushroom hair and big earrings to the right and mullet hair and big glasses resembling protective eye goggles on the right, we were inviting the God of the universe to stand between us and make this marriage what He wanted it to be.  I can't imagine a better life.  Hard?  Yep.  Safe?  Nope.  Good?  Always.

Marriage:  it's a good thing,
Christina

Joni and Ken Tada have written a book on marriage.  I have a feeling, based on this video clip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3BMtTHw6Mw
that their message of marriage isn't your typical love story.

My husband sent the link to me.  Something Ken said, about being in a foxhole during a battle, struck a cord with my Chris.  In a battle, he saw me in the foxhole with him.

In life, married or single, you need others in your foxhole.

Just pondering,
christina

As the wind howls through my patio window and I'm forced to move my sanctuary inside my house and not on my beloved back patio, it's apparent that the season is changing.  The heater is set to come on to warm the chill that lingers about in the wee hours of morning.  Girls bundle with layers to combat breezy mornings.

As a woman who has now been married for 22 years in December ... I have discovered a profound principle.  Marriage has it's season's, too!

When we were 23 and 30, the ages we said "I do" ... we had no clue what we had committed to!  "I do" meant late night runs to the grocery store, allowed us to spend lots and lots and lots of time alone - doing nothing and everything together, and it meant that in each other we found all answers to life's questions.  That was a season.

Through all the seasons, I've come to realize that my Chris needs other men.  In the early years, the thought of him needing anything or anyone more than me made tears surface in my baby blues and my knees grow a little weak.  Was I not enough?  Was I not the answer to all of life's woes?  Was cleaving to me not always the answer?  In a word:  no.

Men need men.  I am the helper, partner, comforter, lover, solver of most of life's problems in my Chris' life. He needs me.  He wants me active in his life.  He gets great joy out of me being me.  (I am totally putting words in his mouth, here!  I can't wait to see his face when he reads this.  Hopefully, it will all be true!)  But, to make my Chris a healthy man, he needs other men to speak into his life.

What does that look like?  Coffee with a peer to openly speak about the struggles of being the stronger species.  Working out with a mentor who gives advice on how to remain a pure husband and empowering father.  It has all kinds of faces.  It should.  And, I should allow and welcome the time he spends with another man as an investment in his well-being.

Men will falter when they are left to be Lone Rangers.  Being alone, and being a man, just isn't good.  I speak from the perspective of his counterpart.  Yet, I speak with a certain amount of observation time.  As I observe my own man, he needs others.

Girls ... give your man room to have another man in his life.  If he doesn't, help him find ways to be around other men.  You will do yourself a world of good by setting him on a journey.

I have been in a place of solitude.  I've enjoyed every minute of it.  It's not been depression.  It's not been hibernation.  It's been a place of rest ... hearing from One who knows me better than myself.  I feel a gentle nudge ... moving me out of this place at a snails pace ... but movement none the less.  As you slip your foot out from under the covers on a cold Fall morning is how I could best describe this emerging.  Yet, as my toes feel the tingle of cold air on warm flesh, I'm receiving some beautiful gifts that I can scarcely take in!

After many months of waiting for God ... not me, my Chris' credit card or smooth-talking salesmen ... Addie has a new car!

Not an actual photo of me and my friend!!

It seems that I spend most of my time these days telling stories.  As I continue to write my parting letters to my beloved Addison, I find myself wanting to tell her things that she may not know:  my high school graduation of one, my job as a tour guide, the time I almost got frostbite, how I felt when her Daddy (my Chris) asked me to marry him.  Stories.

I also have the privilege of being connected at heart level to some amazing young Austrian women.  One has found the love of her life and will marry next May.  One is a young Mom with a friend who needs help.  I don't have great wisdom to impart to my Austrian lovelies.  All I have is my ... stories.

Our stories are varied, aren't they?  I think that's why I love Facebook.  I can connect with those from my past, those who live far away, those who live down the street.  But the reason I want to connect is to hear their ... stories!

As I've shared my stories, I've shared things that aren't pretty.  That's what makes a story good. We can send our annual Christmas cards out with the highlights of what seems to be a perfect year but let's get real ... real life stories aren't always happy endings!  People get hurt, children rebel, cancer crashes into our lives, and depression stops us in our tracks.

Last night as we told our story ... (the love story that continues between one Christina Poe and one Chris Elledge ... to this young couple who plan on marrying next May) ... it described seasons of great joy followed by periods of unspeakable pain.  However, standing firmly on the premise that we were meant to be together, that our commitment to one another was one unshakable variable ... we moved forward.  We moved forward carrying these truths in our hands:  God loves us.  He is faithful and can be trusted.  It may have been hard.  It may have been so good we had to pinch ourselves.  Either way ... we've clung to these truths.

Stories.
What are your stories?
Who are you sharing them with?

I’m back in the saddle! B2 Test has been taken. Laundry is done. New school has become routine. So what’s a girl to do?

Write! A girl is to write!!

As I’ve finally found the time to do what makes my heart happiest, I contemplated what to write about. The one topic that swims to the surface each time is the overwhelmingly wonderful surprise that my Chris planned for me … our trip to Scotland.


Over 13 years or so ago, my Chris and I looked at the possibility of taking a job in Scotland. At that point, it was just part of a vast foreign country that had no significance for me … other than the strange tradition of men wearing skirts. However, as we began to research the culture, climate, and other social mysteries, Scotland became a place that lodged somewhere in a nice spot in my heart. The job didn’t work out. Life moved forward. Scotland made an impression.




In December, my Chris and I officially celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. Since we knew we would be knee deep in moving boxes and packing paper, we decided to forgo a trip at that time and plan one later in the year.

My Chris made all the plans (Ok … little side note here. He made all the plans with a little help from our naturally organized first-born daughter holding his hand along the way!) and kept the location of the trip a total surprise. All I had to do was pack a suitcase and board a plane.



Upon check-in the Vienna Airport, the attendant asked him where we were traveling. Chris said we were flying to Frankfurt, Germany … which was true … but that was only the first leg of the trip. When she said there was some mistake and she had that this flight was a continuing flight to … I quickly stepped away from the counter, stuck my fingers in my ears, and hummed silently to myself! He’d gone too far to have his surprise blown at the last minute!



When we got to Frankfurt, we had to go through passport control which got my antenna’s up. I have to admit, I am a smarty pants. I can usually figure out “the plan”. I had thought he made arrangements for us to go to Rome … or to London. So, when we left the E.U. I knew Rome was not our destination. Again, being little Miss Smarty Pants, I noticed that the terminal we were headed for listed only destinations going to the U.K. thus, in my mind, making it clear we were headed for London. As we entered our gate, and it was time for the big “reveal” … I looked up at the monitor … only to get the surprise of my life … Edinburgh!


I can’t tell you what a wonderful time we had. I know … I know … that sounds so … predictable. However, our trip was such a time of relaxation, insight, comfort, surprises, hope, rest, joy, unpredictability, laughter, sadness, ease. I believe that God allowed us to be in a time bubble for those days away. Most of the experience has been locked in a secret place in my heart ... a place I can’t put words to ... a place lost in a beautiful haze of memory.



What I walk away from is that marriage is … weird. How can a union of two very different (yet cute) people share 20 years together, share so many life experiences … some that took our breath away and some that left us gasping for air … come out … better than when they started this journey?

What I’ve come to see is that marriage is so much like my relationship with God. I entered into both relationships feeling warm and cozy and had butterflies in my tummy every time I heard the name of my beloved.

Somewhere those feelings subsided and a deep, comfortable, resolve took its place. There is a deep appreciation for the one I love. There are moments that still surprise me. There are moments that cause me to look at my love with new eyes. There are moments that I feel I’ve never truly seen my love. There are moments when it seems that I have never known a moment without the presence of my love. Weird.

Supernatural experiences happen. It’s not natural to remain attached to and in love with someone for this length of time without the binding component of a third party. In this case, my marriage is a result of an agreement based between my Chris and I … totally and uniquely dependent on a Heavenly Father to center us, guide us, and love us. Is marriage possible without the third party? Yes. Can magic happen without a third party? I think so. Can it be a spiritual experience … indescribable and binding without a third party? I don’t think so.

I am no expert on marraige. All I know is that while I was in Scotland with my Chris … something supernatural happened. This 43 year old person felt just as pretty and thin and young and hopeful as the day I said “I do” over 20 years ago … with one difference. The difference was I know what 20 years of living does to a person … and to a marriage … and to pretty ... and to thin ... and to young ... and to hope … and still I would say “I do”. Trust me; it's not because I'm so great ... or my Chris is so wonderful ... but because in our human imperfections, we have a Father ... our third party ... that does all things well.

I have a friend named Jackie. Jackie is a walking resource center. You need something on ADHD, she’s got it. You need to know the metric equivalent of a ½ ounce, she’s got it. You need to know how to buy a juicer, she’s got it. You need to know where to buy a Russian Bible in a German speaking country, she’s got it. You need directions … don’t ask!

Recently during an impromptu coffee date, she mentioned the title of a book she had just finished reading, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I tucked the information into the constant open file that is my brain and went on my way. I thought of it more for other people than for me … (such a martyr) … but then kept thinking about the book.

Fast forward to another coffee date with another friend, Carrie. Catching up on all things from kids to recipes, she mentioned something God was doing in her heart concerning her marriage. Her words resonated deep in my heart. In fact, God used her words to stick so deep into my heart … to the point that before we said goodbye, I asked her if she would keep me accountable to order the book Jackie mentioned … and another one she suggested.

Now, I am a book gal. I love reading. As a kid, I should have done more running about than reading … but books were a great escape. I love to read all kinds of books. However, I am not one that hangs her hat on every new book that comes down the literary pike. I know that lots of great people write great things! However, not every great writer has a great new principle to follow for everyone that reads it! Sometimes, it’s just a revelation that was to be imparted to that person for that time to alter their behavior or give insight to a new way of doing things … for them. It’s not meant to be a stamped copy for others to follow as “rule” and implement in their own lives.

Let me case a rabbit here. Because of the line of work my husband is in, he gets lots of new information on the latest ways of reaching people. Many, many, many of them are great resources and help a brain catch a vision for trying something new. Kudos to those kinds of things! However, just because it is in print, and just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s something I need to do/try/worship in my life. If I am not hearing from and reading the words of my Father on a daily basis … then trying to add a human author’s guidebook for my life is a little sort sighted on my part. I’ve got to daily be investing in the relationship that matters and then add other things that He allows and desires into my life as wisdom to influence and help grow what He is already doing. Enough said. Off my soap box.

I came straight home from my coffee date with Carrie, told Chris about the books I felt God wanted me to read and ordered them straight away.

I’m reading Love and Respect. On the back of the book there is a statement that says:

A Simple Message
A wife has one driving need – to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need – to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy.

I’ve been reading this book saying things like, “Oh that’s good!” I’ve been underlining things I want to repeat to others. I’ve been making mental notes of things I’ve seen others do and why their marriages suffer.

Then, last night, I get to put into practice the basic biblical principle this book is talking about. Wives, respect your husbands.

I’ve been sick. Now, Addison is sick. Chris lines up a doctor’s appointment for both of us. The office is in our neighborhood, a mere 5 minute walk from our place.

I am a direction girl. I have a good head on my shoulders when it comes to directions and can find my way around very well. My Chris ... generally ... isn’t. That’s why we are a good match! Knowing this about my Chris, I ask him before we leave the house if I should Google map the directions to make sure we know the way. Nope. He’s got it.

After a 5 minute walk in our neighborhood, we find no doctor’s office. After standing on the corner of an intersection, waiting for Chris to ask someone for directions, we find no doctors office. It’s cold. I’m sick. Addison is sick. “This is why I suggested I look at the directions before we left the house,” I say in a self-righteous knower of my way around tone of voice.

There. I did it. I inserted a dagger into my Chris’ Respect. He didn’t need my little sassy comment. I felt so justified in saying it. I felt it needed to be said. I wanted to say it so he would know I was right. I wanted to remind him who has the better sense of direction. Fact is … he knew all of that before I opened my mouth. It didn’t need to be said.

I could feel the impact of my hateful words the minute they tripped of my tongue. Instead of being a jerk, instead of engaging in my immature banter, he simply replied with … “I’m trying really hard here.” Ouch.

Fact is, for the last 6 days, he has been father, mother, cook, taxi, book reader, homework helper, medicine giver, all the while trying to maintain his daily work schedule. I didn’t take time to consider these facts … I just knew from my selfish point of view that he wasn’t finding the doctor’s office and I was “suffering”. That’s mature!

After trying one more office, we began the treck back to our place in hopes to start all over in finding the doctor’s office, which we successfully did just … 5 minutes in the other direction. During the treck home, my Chris walked beside me, grabbed my hand, and said he was sorry. He was sorry! It was I who needed to be sorry!


I love this man. After 20 years of marriage, I’m getting this sense that the years before this day have all been rehearsal. Now, it’s the real thing. Now it’s time to really make the days count. I’ve done what I’ve done to make this good, but now good is not enough. I want to make this … sacred. I want to be a respectful wife … to meet the needs of my husband … but to allow others to get a glimpse of glory in our marriage! God does things like that … use the humble and weak to show the glory of a real God.

So now, over the blogger network … and in front of God and everyone … I am making a statement to relearn Respect. I’ll keep you posted. Perhaps if you want the truest picture of how I’m doing … ask my Chris.

When last I typed, the holiday “magic” was still among us: wrapped gifts under the tree, secrets being kept, last minute plans being made. Now, gifts are unwrapped, secrets let out of the bag and plans followed through. Now how’s that for a cheerful perspective?

Actually, despite my melancholy words, I am looking forward to what the New Year holds. This time of year always forces me to reflect on the old and strain to see the new. That’s a good thing.

Right now I’m reading a book that is finding its way into my head and heart in a fresh way. The title: Your God is Too Safe. The author: Mark Buchannan. If you dare, read it. Recently I’ve taking to reading things the Holy Spirit leads me to … finding there is a deeper purpose. I’m certain the purpose of this book, alongside the scriptures it is leading me to deeper investigate, spur me into seeing God as the Beaver’s from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe saw the famed Aslan. “He’s not safe, but He’s good.”

So, good and bad, whatever comes into my life (due to my own poor choices or by God’s divine hand) I want to approach 2011 with that same perspective. When my dryer breaks and remains broken, I say … this is not some trick from an uncaring God … this will serve a purpose because my God is good. When my girls have problems with friends, I say … this is not a cruel and unkind God trying to punish them … this is allowed from a good God who loves them more than I. If I hear of a diagnosis for a loved one … or myself I say, this is not the result of something I have to pay for … this is the result of a good God showing me His loving-kindness when I need it most.

So, if you dare … read the book.

On another note ...
My Chris and I have been married 19 years. We celebrated … alone … for 2 days. Over all the years that have passed between us, it’s weird to see him not as I married him, but as I’ve grown older with him. My heart has not counted the lost hairs, jobs or faith in people. Instead, my heart has paid attention to the tears over hurt, prayers over me, uncertainty over life. My heart has grown over his courage in the face of fear, his loyalty over leaving and his humbleness when he could have chosen pride. Because I see him reading his Bible while eating breakfast, or see him kneeling by our bed when there is no one else upstairs, or hear him praying in the girls ears while they lay in their beds asleep … I love him. Because he fold clothes just to help me, tells me he’s sorry when I know I’m more at fault, and tells me I look beautiful when I feel like a grape … I love him. It’s the everyday stuff that goes routinely unnoticed yet somehow stands out when you reflect. It’s the everyday stuff that stacks up in your favor at the end of the day. It’s the everyday stuff that makes me glad I am the bride of my Chris.

In closing, read the book if you dare … and love others well.