The circle of life is a strange thing.  Any first - child, goodbye, death, move - brings with them emotions that are dreaded but not experienced as real until they unfolded in whatever "first" life event you experience.

When our oldest child left home for the first time, I thought I would crumble.  The build up to the goodbye was the worst.  I harbored feelings:

• "What is this going to feel like, this leaving of a child from our home?"
• "What is to become of her trying to do life on her own?"
• "What is to become of her siblings trying to live life without her?"

And when I wasn't imagining what feelings would emerge I was feeling emotions:

• this is the last First time I will pack her lunch
• this is the last First time I will watch her play volleyball
• this is the last First time she'll sleep in her childhood bed

She left our home four years ago.  I survived.  Her siblings survived.  It wasn't without tears and longing ... but we all got through it.  And now we are gearing up for another departure among us.

Parker is living out her last year of high school and preparing to fly the coop!  Just as with Addison, we mark her events as the "last" Firsts.

• Last first day of school
• Last first volleyball game
• Last first Fall break

This time it's easier.  We know - sort of - what to expect.  We know emotions will come and pass.  We know that we will all survive.  We know that life goes on and God is real in the middle of the last Firsts and we ... move forward.

I find myself getting "homesick" for the days when my girls were little.  There was something so sweet about the tracing of little hands to make Thanksgiving Turkey's, the packing of lunches that included love notes, and the tucking in of little bodies under warm covers.

Moving forward requires moving on from what was to a new place that has its own advantages.  I will always treasure the "little" days.  But I am learning to always welcome the new days.  And ...  in this particular season with Parker ... I'm embracing the "last" Firsts.

Hold on tightly ... and loosely ... for the days slip of out fingers faster than you think,
Christina

Parker's killer serve!

Libby tagged along and appointed herself as Ms. Howard's Assistant Coach!

The "good game" hand thing!

The Champions!!

• Realizing this is not a holiday for most of my friends.  While I’m bobbing about looking for pecans, no one else realizes what day it is.
• Pie plates are worth their weight in gold!  I’ve used tart pans and Pyrex lids for pie plates because they just don’t exist here.
• Canned pumpkin is non-existent.  You’ve got to do it home-style … by roasting a pumpkin and pureeing it. 
• Pecans are rare … and expensive. Sweet potatoes are becoming more available, but usually only 1 grocery store carries them in their imported food area.  You can find them at Asian shops.
• Cranberries, too, are becoming more of a hot commodity.  This year I only paid 2.99 euro a bag.
• Unless you are an employee of the U.N. and have access to their international commissary, you cannot find a real live turkey.  You can find geese … but rarely … if ever, can you find a real live turkey.  I just buy turkey breasts.

Sitting down for awhile,
Christina

I don’t have a tale to tell this week.

My anxiety episode was, to my great surprise, a short one. What I anticipated being a time of recuperating ended up being a really productive week.

This week, I was able to have lunch with an Austrian friend. Her biggest burden in life being the strain of being a full-time working Mom and feeling like a part-time effective Mom. I get that.

Last night, I spent an evening preparing 9 high school girls for the Prom. Partnering with precious Parker for hair and make-up for all (should I mention that 5 of them spent the night and we did a big breakfast for the sleeping beauties?) they left our house looking like the masterpieces they truly are!



After working her long fingers to the bone and using every ounce of creative energy she had in making the Prom girls fabulous, I took Parker to dinner. We ate at an Italian cafe and sat outside and talked. Afterwards, she took me to a new yogurt place … yummo! We found a great people-watching place and sat downtown watching all the tourists, trying to pick out their root of origin.

And, one of the things I’ve been doing a lot of in preparation for the closing of the school library for the summer is reading. I finally finished reading a very thought-provoking book called Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey. He takes a look at 13 people who have most influenced his spiritual journey. I won’t try to paraphrase what he says, instead let me insert a portion of his own words from the epilogue:

As I review the list in total, I see flawed, not perfect, people. Several of them a psychiatrist would probably diagnose as unstable. Each one had longings that went unfulfilled, dream that never entered reality. I learn from them how to handle my own longings. Soren Kierkegaard said, “With the help of the thorn in my foot, I spring higher than anyone with sound feet.” Some of the people profiled in this collection demonstrate that proverb as well.

One of the things that I may end up doing as my “summer project” is to head the suggestion of making a list of those people who have shaped my life for the better, and try to figure out why.

Ironically enough, I believe that at the top of my list will not be a person, but a thing … called Anxiety … that has shaped my life for the better. Funny, how at the first of this week, I stared into the all too familiar eyes of this thing I’ve lived with for so long, not desiring it’s company. However, its stay was short, too short to be anything less than a major miracle, an act of healing, and a supernatural intervention from a loving God who has authority over all things … even anxiety!

Today, my Chris is taking precious Parker out for lunch. Parker doesn’t know this yet. At lunch, when she is preparing to make her way down to the basement cafeteria and dig into her humdrum lunch she brought from home, she will get a nice surprise. Her Daddy will be waiting for her. Her Daddy will be taking her to a little Kiosk down the street from school that sells her favorite, Kebab sandwiches. It’s unexpected. This morning as I was sipping my coffee, eating my oats and yogurt, and reading from the Bible, I was wondering what God looks like. Weird, I know. The Bible says that no one has seen the face of God. But, sometimes my imagination gets the best of me and I just want to know what God looks like. I’m kind of at a cross-road. I’m kinda at a place that I don’t know what to do next. And, since my schedule has been freed up by Libby’s new school hours, I’m putting this pressure on myself to perform. Do something. Get busy. Produce. That feeling doesn’t set well. It stresses me out. It robs me of stillness. It makes me feel guilty. If I know anything at all, I do know that those feelings do not align themselves with what I know God to be like. He doesn’t author stress or rob me of stillness nor does he throw quilt trips my way. When I sit quietly in my living room, in my big blue chair, and I wrap my cold hands around my hot mug of strong Austrian coffee, I am at rest. It’s not so much the living room, big blue chair or coffee (although … coffee does make everything better!). It’s more of whose company I am in. When I am still, when I open the Bible, and when I open my heart to whatever it is that the Creator of the Universe wants to share with me from His guidebook … I am quiet and still and focused. This morning I have no answers. I don’t know what is next. I don’t know what to put into my freed up schedule. But, as I finished reading some really good things … my thoughts took me back to my precious Parker … and her surprise lunch date with her Daddy. Then, after a really big smile came to my face, I had an answer. It was unexpected. This picture of my Chris surprising precious Parker … just because … to encourage her … is what God looks like. He (God) does not determine what He does for me based on the things I can do. He (God) loves me because I am his daughter. That, today, is what God looks like to me.

My girl Addison and my precious Parker are both playing basketball. They are adorable. They are the kind of girls that I looked at when I was their age and thought …

“Wow … I wish I could look as cute as they do in my basketball uniform!”

Don’t feel sorry for me. I have the pictures to prove my wish was validated.


However, they would never even presume to think they are “all that”. Their tender and sensitive hearts don’t seem to focus on how cute they look in their uniforms like their very insecure and overly sensitive mother did at their age. They are somehow settled. They are girls, don’t get me wrong. They have bad hair days and nothing looks good on me days … but more often than not those days are the exception, not the rule.


Why?

Because, I am a terrific mother.

Ok, I wondered how long you would ponder that until you realized I was totally joking!

Seriously, I believe it’s the power of words … God’s Word. Lately I feel like God has wanted to show me something new about Jesus. He has me reading in the Gospels right now. In Matthew, I began seeing Jesus as this confrontational action hero. He had such boldness (not to be confused with rudeness) to confront the religious leaders … speak truth … and tell them things that they were clearly missing the point about. For example, one time Jesus tells them they lack two things:

1. They lack knowing the scriptures.
2. They lack knowing the power of God.

He says that if they knew those two things, they wouldn’t have bothered asking him the questions they did.

You go, Jesus. That’s the way to pin them down, call it like it is, expose their religious hypocrisy! Then, as I step off the cheering pedestal I have climbed on, I hear that all too familiar voice whisper something in my heart … that place only I can recognize the tender discipline of my friend, Jesus. I hear him asking me to evaluate how much I know the scriptures … and then … if I did … how much am I seeing the power of God as a result of my belief in His word!

Shazam! I start this line of thinking that goes like this. If I know, really know God’s Word, then I’m gonna believe it in daily life, in normal circumstances, in crisis, in heartache, in joy … and if I believe God’s Word … then I’m gonna begin to see evidence of His power.

This is a picture that paints this concept very simplistically, but that’s how I roll. Simple.
This week, I had to book airline tickets. I found a great deal from a “cheap” internet website. I’m excited I got such a good deal and book the tickets. Within hours I get a notice from my credit card company saying the recent attempt at purchasing airline tickets is banned for suspicious activity. My planning little self gets stressed. Now what …

If I know what God’s Word says “be anxious for nothing, but in prayer and supplication and thanksgiving make your requests known to God, then the peace of God will overcome you” then I have a choice to make.

1. Either get over myself, quit worrying about not finding a good deal, and pray, asking God to help me and give me wisdom.
2. Worry. Stress. Freak out.

I did both. I won’t lie. However, after I choose the inappropriate alternative, I checked back into my head and heart and remembered the new thing Jesus had shown me. How would I experience God’s peace and the power if I continued to freak out?

I emailed the rather complicated response from the German travel agent to my Austrian friend. She quickly helped me ratify the situation, cancel the tickets, and clear everything up. It was simple.

I saw God’s power. The power wasn’t the uncomplicated end result. The power was that in my tendency to freak out … there was an “Ah ha” moment and the cycle stopped. Ladies and gentleman that is a miracle and the very power of God!

Now, back to my adorable basketball playing girls who look so good in their uniforms. From the beginning of their cute little lives, they have heard God’s Word about them. They have heard and learned the verse in Ephesians that says they are a masterpiece, created to do good works. If you hear something long enough you believe it! Their confidence comes from knowing who they are … masterpieces! Their confidence doesn’t come in how good they look in their basketball uniforms! That’s the power of God!


These cuties will have struggles to come in their lives. They are gonna have to make a decision just like their Momma did about the tickets. The only way they are gonna make it through life is to know God’s Word … and see His power when they choose to act on it. Good advice from a good Father.

According to Wikipedia, Ode to joy “is an ode written in 1785 by the German poet, playwright and historian Friedrich Schiller, celebrating the brotherhood and unity of all mankind. It is best known for its musical setting by Ludwig van Beethoven in the final movement of his Ninth Symphony (completed in 1824), a choral symphony for orchestra, four solo voices and choir.”

However, this is not the ode to joy I speak of. I speak of another ode. This ode was written by God Almighty in 1999 celebrating the union of Chris and Christina Elledge. It is best known for its kind, gentle and tender personality traits that make mercy and compassion come to life. This ode lives and breathes in the person of Parker Joy Elledge.

When precious Parker was born, we were in great transition as a family. Having resigned from a church in Arizona, we found ourselves living with my parents. Despite the hardships of financial struggles, loss of job, and uncertainty of the future, God placed within our hearts a deep and resounding … Joy. So much so, we could not help but name the child born during this period in our lives … Parker Joy.

My precious Parker Joy turned 12 years old on Friday, July 22. Time takes you by surprise. When did she get to be the pre-teen beauty that I now see before me?

Parker came out of the womb making noises as she enjoyed “eating”, sleeping sound as a log, and having the most laid back personality of any of our Elledge children. At 12, Parker still makes noises when she eats (sorry kiddo, you know you do ... it's just that you enjoy your food so much!), sleeps sound as a long and is the most laid back personality of any of our Elledge children.

Parker is sensitive toward others emotions. Parker can tenderly touch you, using no words at all, and you know she’s sent you a message straight from her heart. Parker loves to cook gourmet eggs. Parker is a true and loyal friend. Parker is a distinct and creative personality. Parker is incredibly intuitive. Parker shows others the compassion and tenderness of a loving God.

I can’t imagine a day without my precious Parker. She helps me breath. She touches my life with calmness. She inspires me.

On the day that she was born … my heart was enlarged. She has made me better. She has made me see more of God.

Parker Joy Elledge … it is my privilege to be your Mom.

Eons ago … truly eons ago … Chris and I found ourselves teaching Proverbs 3:5-6 to a motley group of students sitting in a converted double-wide trailer which was being used as the Sunday school room for the youth group at Southpark Baptist Church. I know, it sounds like a low-budget movie scene, but alas it’s true. As we sang “and He will make straight your path”, little did we know how true the words would ring almost 20 years of marriage, 3 kids and another country later.

We have no radio in our van. We do have a radio in our hall closet, that has sat in the box in which it came in, almost 2 years ago, that hasn’t been installed. No radio for this music loving bunch of Elledge’s means singing in the car.

This past Friday, as I was escorting the queen (a.k.a. Libby) to school in our nonraido equipped van, we sang. We have quite the repertoire of songs … even have tossed about the idea of a mother and daughter CD. One of our favorites is the above mentioned diddy, Proverbs 3:5-6. We have a little harmony, a little repetition of the chorus … it’s quite nice if I do say so myself. The queen is 7 years old. She has been singing this song for at least … 7 years (she came out of the womb singing – she’s that gifted and I’m not exaggerating!) As she was wrapping up with a big finish, I noticed her singing … “and He will make STRANGE your path.” If you check your local Bible, the verse actually says, “and He will make STRAIGHT your path.”

That morning while eating breakfast, or perhaps the morning before, Parker the precious, Libby the queen and I read a Psalm that said something about God making our paths straight. We talked about what that meant … to them. So, being the ever mature one in the bunch, I took the opportunity to make a life message come alive right then and there in the van with Libby’s misquote of scripture. Wrong. I just laughed out loud. Perhaps not a very strong confidence builder for the queen but I couldn’t help myself.

“Libber’s … do you know what that song really says? It says … He will make STRAIGHT your path … not STRANGE your path.” She laughed, I laughed … life went on.

When I returned to my Chris at home, I told him the story. Out of his ever profound mind came the following … “She’s not so off is she?”

Let that sink in … He will make STRANGE your path.

Following God leads you down some strange paths. I won’t lie. Sometimes I’ve wondered if He had some strange cosmic joke he was playing and I was the pawn he was using to communicate the punch line. Sometimes I’ve wondered if He forgot the path He set my feet on … and the road map to go along with it. Sometimes I’ve thought it was too good to be true and I wasn’t a worthy recipient of the gifts along the path. Sometimes the pain was too tangible, I had to stop on the path to let out a battle cry.

And then, I smell the coffee on the breath of my Savior friend (my Jesus drinks coffee) saying:

Trust me – with all your heart – and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways – acknowledge me – and I will make STRAIGHT your STRANGE path.

Chris and I started back to school this week. This is our last week of formal classes. We are completing our B2/2 level and will then take the B2 competency test in May. When we started this process of language learning it seemed like such a far off goal … and my faith in achieving it was … shaky. Now, after all these months of learning … I look back at this process of language learning and my faith is still shaky! Ha … you think I’m joking! Actually, it’s amazing … nothing short of a miracle that these two people have grasped a new language. There are all sorts of statistics that say learning a language past a certain age is very, VERY difficult. Let’s just say, Chris and I (Chris more than me) way surpass that “certain age”. Again, what God has done with our lips and vocal cords is truly nothing short of a miracle!

Speaking of school, (don’t you just love this smooth transition), Parker was a creative genius (she is just like her mother) this week. Not saying she isn’t always but this week her creative juices were at an all time high. Every year her school has a “Book Fair”. The week culminates in the elementary students dressing up as their favorite book characters. Parker chose “the pig” in the book If You Give a Pig a Pancake. Her paper outfit was designed and decorated with a little help from a friend. She did an AMAZING job!

This week we got to experience one of those moments that shake your foundation a bit and get you out of “normal” life. My sister called late one evening with the news that my Dad had to be taken to the Heart Hospital in Oklahoma City. He is still in the hospital but doing much better. They (don’t you always wonder who “they” are? In this case, the staff at the OKC Heart Hospital.) will do more tests on Monday.
Its funny how one little phone call changes a moment. I was lying in my bed (yes, I’ve become a granny) at 9:15 p.m. watching my usual episode of The Andy Griffith Show before falling asleep. After the phone call, Andy was put on pause while I began to do what all girls do when they don’t know what else to do … cry! We didn’t know many details, only that he was having difficulty breathing, but in my mind I fast forwarded to him passing away, me being an orphan and various other extreme situations.

After my girlish bout of the water works, I whispered prayers of help to my heavenly Father. Funny how talking to my heavenly Father about my earthly Father seemed to make everything OK. I still shed a few tears when my over active imagination kicked in about worse case scenarios, but when I snapped out of it I kept hearing my heavenly Father tell me that He was with my earthly Father … that He was holding his hand … that He was right in the middle of the situation. What could I do, anyway? I am a million miles away. I am not a doctor. I am … nothing.

Why is it in crisis our flesh kicks into super human ability mode and we strategize over what we think we can do? Really … can we do anything? It’s in those moments we have to settle into our humanness and do … nothing.

In doing nothing, it’s there I discover the something I can do …surrender. Surrender that we have no control over anything. Surrender that we are not infallible. Surrender that ultimately, life has a cycle … and must come to an end. Surrender that if we trust what we say we believe, surrender is when we really do what we were meant to do … activate faith in a loving Father who is the only One who is capable of having everything under control.

So, my white knuckles of gripping my life too tightly have once again been tested. While I stretch out my fingers and let the blood begin to flow I feel somehow drawn to be stiller … and talk to my Dad more … both of them!

... the Elledge Clan.

This, by far, has been one of the busiest weeks we've had since arriving. Addison's volleyball season is coming to an end. Monday she had a game in Bratislava (that's in Slovakia). Wednesday through Friday she had practice. This morning she had a game in Vienna. The opposing team was from Salzburg (home of the Von Traps - we didn't see any trace of Maria. Guess she's not into volleyball.) The Eagles won the best of 5! Addison, being a mere Freshman, is a starter on the High School varsity team. If I do say so myself, she is a great player! She has a winning serve! She must take after her Aunt Lori!!

This week we were introduced to unseasonably cold weather. We nearly froze our hinnies off! It was 4 degrees Celsius, so that makes it around 38 degrees in Fahrenheit. This makes for fun traveling since we take public transportation. We got to experience waiting in the cold, wet, dismal weather for Strassenbahns to come. One day the U-Bahn broke down on my way to language school. Instead of waiting an undetermined amount of time on the subway, I opted for walking. I walked from Stephens Platz City (where the famous Stephens Dome Cathedral resides) to our school (about 15 minutes) in snowy, windy, and cold conditions (uphill, both ways, barefoot ... sound familiar?). To treat myself to braving the Arctic elements, I popped into McDonald's for a cheap Cappuccino, only to spill half of it on my way to school.

Besides Chris being sick one day, Libby being sick one day, Parker getting new shoes, us keeping a dog for a friend, one family from our Board returning from their state side assignment, and other normal life stuff, that's our week.

Just a reminder of the spiritual climate we live in ... this week in language school I was asked what my astrological sign was. Everyone could tell me theirs. When I told them I didn't know, they told me from my birthdate what my sign was ... but when I later refered to Ester in the Bible they had no clue what I was talking about.

Pray and watch ...

PICTURES: Addison serving on Saturday's game. Parker and Libby have shrunk! Not really, this is their idea of fun family entertainment! They are hilarious!

Chris and I started Language School. The most excited we look is when we enter the building ... it's down hill after that! Here is a picture of Chris in front of our school. For being in torture for 3 hours a day, we sure do have an amazing atmosphere in which to suffer! Ha,ha! That big thing the background is a famous tourist attraction, Karl's Church. There's a wonderful park surrounding the area. Not that we see it because we are great students and would never, ever hang out in the park instead of attending class ... but every now and then we get a good look at it ... on our way to class ... that we go to and would never skip. Actually, we are learning quite a lot and are recognizing words more and more on signs. In fact, our confidence has gotten so elevated that we've tried ordering food in only German. We give our order. The attendant looks at us and says ... "What do you want?" in English. Not a good sign but it makes us feel better we are learning our new language!

The girls are finishing up their school year at VCS. Addison is really looking forward to next year, her first year in High School. She got her next 4 years all planned out. Hmmm ... do you think she's go a plan?

Parker has done so well in 3rd grade! Some of you know that we found out she had a possible learning issue while we were in Richmond. However, putting her in 3rd grade seems to have done the trick! She's really done well and has so much more confidence!

Libby will remain in Austrian Kindergarten for the month of June. She's now answering our questions in German. Her BFF is a little Austrian girl who happens to be our neighbor. She asked the Mom how to say "hot lava". The Mom thought it was weird and asked us about the request. We said, "Oh, she's playing like there is a volcano and there is hot lava they have to stay away from." She smiled really big and said ... "Oooohhhh ... hot lava. I thought she was asking me how to say hot lover!" We are quickly learning that anything ending in an "a" comes across like a "R" to Austrians. No more playing the Hot Lava game for Libby!!

Today was Addison's birthday! We spend the day at the Hapsburg Family country palace. They know how to spend the weekend in the country, let me tell you!!! It is gorgeous!!

Life seems to be becoming more "normal". Our home is actually looking like a home. We can drive without poping a Zanax. We know how to ask for what we need. And, most of all, we've become friends with our neighbors and find ourselves many an evening sitting on their patio chatting. This relationship thing is what life is all about! So glad God thought of it!!!