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Write Words


Last night, as I drove home from a ladies Bible study, reflecting on the discussions of seasoned female warriors who have stood firm on solid principles, I flipped through radio stations.  I landed on a talk program as it was ending.  Sadly, no name and identification were given to attribute these wise word:  "Jesus developed the habit of prayer."

Prayer was a habit.

Hmm.  If prayer was a habit, thought I in the dark as I drove, then not all habits are bad.  The English word for habit has lots of meanings:

  • A recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition. (noun).
  • An established disposition of the mind or character. (noun)
  • Customary manner or practice: a person of ascetic habits. (noun)
  • An addiction, especially to a narcotic drug. (noun)
  • Physical constitution. (noun)
  • A tendency or disposition to act in a particular way. (noun)
Special thanks to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (Fifth Edition.  Copyright (c) 2011 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company.  Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company.  All rights reserved.)


Ever since I made a commitment to follow Jesus, I read my Bible as a means to and end:  to know Jesus.  It has become my habit.  Over time, the habit is now based on an established disposition of the mind - I want to know this Jesus and the power that now belongs to me.  What may have begun, in part, as a legalistic exercise spurred by my brand of church at the time, morphed into a beautiful ritual that has drawn me away into quiet spaces and private moments that have defined who I am and how I know God.

In the beginning, as I read, not always did I understand.  As I read, not always was there a beautiful "ah ha" moment.  As I read, not always was there time enough to dive into words and study and ponder but simply read them for information gathering.  But, as I read, I was unknowingly developing a habit.  This habit has now become a passion.  I must know God's Word.  God's Word is life, and power, and spirit, and correction, and gentle instruction, and raise my head off the floor hope, and means everything to me.

God uses His Word in powerful ways to develop us.  God's Word, because it is a living thing, grows.  However, the effort of growth happens supernaturally.  The role of the Holy Spirit is to bring life and power and recall to the words we've ingested.  The Holy Spirit breathes life into the black and white words that are spiritual truths that transform us.

How do I know?  I'm living it.  A habit has given me the "it" factor for living.  I'm like a superhero yielding a secret weapon in which to navigate life.  God's Word is the filter through which my life circumstances get translated.  When I forget my cape ... and slink into forgetfulness of the power which lays in the words of the One who made me ... it's my kryptonite.  

Not all habits are bad.  This habit of reading God's Word is a good lesson, a valuable lesson, a lesson that has taken me through every season of my life.  It's the one lesson that will propel me into the unknown seasons that lay before me.  Friend, develop the habit of reading God's Word.  You, my dear, will be a superhero!

Form a habit,
Christina





When someone tells me to "be quiet", "be myself", "be assertive" or "be respectful" ... I kinda raise my back feathers and want to rebel.  Just being honest.  What I first conclude is that they think I am not exuding the qualities they are asking me to display.  If they (and who in the sam hill is "they"?) tell me to be quiet, apparently I am not being ... or acting ... quiet.  Again, laying all Sunday school answers at the door and being brutally honest, I want to clear my throat loudly, stomp my foot, and whisper loud at their request to be quiet.  Quiet, in fact, becomes the last thing on my mind.  Loud.  Loud is what I want to be ... and act out ... and develop.

So when I read in 1 Thessalonians 4 what Paul writes to his friends, I cringe.  Yikes.  Paul is someone I admire, respect and consider worthy of taking advice from.  He says to them ... "be holy".  I gotta ponder that a moment, for I, the keeper of a rebellious heart, have some questions.

I am a Mom.  I love my three, precious, beautiful, smart, witty, brilliant, strong, soft, assertive, justice-seeking, single-minded, merciful daughters.  When I look at them, I don't see what's wrong with them ... for could there be any fault in such beauties?  Yes.  Yes there are faults, but not ones I want to rub in their faces and mock.  Their faults are things (characteristics/tendencies) that I see I have struggled with and want to bring into the light and encourage them to develop to make strong.  I don't want them to keep these faults hidden and neglect them and wish them to disappear.  Hiding only highlights the defect.  Exposing brings into a place of sweet revelation and healing.

So when Paul tells his friends to "be holy", I have to suppose he desires for them to take into account their current behavior in light of an alternate behavior that will bring them good, make them healthy, lead to a better way of living.

But is it behavior he is after?  As a Mom, I want a certain behavior, but not at the expense of my girls leaving their heart at the door and only feigning actions without strong conviction behind those actions.

When they say they love their friends, I don't want them to merely act like they love their friends.  I want them to love them from a heart level.  I want them to care for, pray for, devote themselves to, invest in, cry with, laugh with, stay awake for and be deeply committed to their friend.

I want their heart first.  Actions leap from the deep places in the heart.

And therefore I've answered my own questions about what Paul was saying to his friends:  be holy.  Don't act holy.  Don't put on a show.  Don't give lip service to.  Don't attend certain gatherings because.  Don't abstain from things or engage in things because.  Just be holy.  At a heart level, making a commitment to be holy, will ooze out into all areas of my life.  I will act holy if in my core and in the beating of my heart is the decision to be holy.

And then, kind of as a "kicker" to the whole equation, Paul says this after his request.  First, he tells them to be holy.  Then, he says that because God is so faithful, He will make it happen.  It isn't enough that we make a commitment to be holy.  No, God comes in and then says "I will do this for you, you sweet girl, because I see your heart and I am the One who will transform you."

Wow.

In a recent conversation with a dear friend who is a young Mother, I made this statement:  "Are you after behavior modification of a heart change?"  The same principle applies here ... be holy.  It's a statement about the condition of our core being.  The behavior springs from this place.  And if there's a good core, there will be good actions.

Being holy,
Christina

P.S.  Holy doesn't mean perfect ... and that's another story ...




I am undone.

In my youth, I worked hard - for God.  I ticked off the boxes that meant I was a good girl.

No drinking - tick
No cussing - tick
No sex - tick
No smoking - tick
No dressing provocatively - tick
No having fun that would lead to drinking, cussing, sex, smoking, dressing provocatively - tick.

These were the "biggies".  These were the things that my religious community held in high esteem and waved on banners that declared "good" girls good and "bad" girls bad.

As I climbed out of youth and entered into adulthood, I remained good.  Now, I had other boxes to tick.

Be a good wife - tick
Be a good mom - tick
Be involved in church - tick
Be active in church and say yes to whatever the church asks of you - tick

At some point, I realized that being good was a lot of hard work.  Being good often meant that I worked really hard for other people and spent little time with God.  The time I did spend with God was whittled away by asking forgiveness for not being all the things I thought I needed to tick off my list.

Because God is not a fan of lies, He helped set me straight.  Just like the religious leaders in Jesus' times, I had bought into a religious way of life that had very little to do with God and more to do with my behavior.  It was time to put that way of life to bed.

Grace is a curious thing.  Once you are exposed to Grace, there is a permissiveness that scares you.  You mean I could curse and God would love me?  Yep.  You mean I could not be so involved in church and God would love me?  Yep.  Now before hairs get raised on backs of necks, I'm not painting a picture of free love, sex and rock and roll.  I'm just making a point that Grace - upon first glance to a religious follower - can be scary.  Really scary.

So much of my early religious upbringing focused on behavior.  Don't do this, do this ... and God will love you.  Now nobody said it.  Nobody said "the more you work for God the more He loves you" but it was implied.
"Oh look at Mrs. Here-every-Sunday.  She is such a martyr.  Her back went out, her dog died, her dishwasher backed up, and her children are sick ... but she's here this Sunday to worship God."  
No she's not!  She's here to tick off boxes!!

Eventually, Grace became a wonderful teacher and I began to come out from under the spell of working and into a beautiful place that was meant for me all along.  No works.  No being this or that. No ticking off boxes.  Instead, it was a place where time spent with God was way more important than doing things for God.  It has taken time.  It has required a new way of looking at God ... and myself.  It has taken me to His Word to discover what He REALLY says is important.

So ... this undone"ness" this morning comes from a story that hits that nail on the head (Luke 15):  Two sons based their value and their identity on their works.  One son, the "bad" one", took his inheritance money and lived like a wild man.  After partying too hard and living too close to the edge, he returned home, settled to be reduced to a servant in his fathers' household based on his actions.  The other son, the "good" one, stayed at home and ticked off boxes.  He did the right things.  He did what was expected.  He stayed and worked with the father being faithful while at the same time disconnected at a heart level.  He based his value to the father on his actions.

Both sons got it wrong.  The father never considered the "bad" son as lost.  He waited for his return ... every day.  His actions were separate from his identity.  The father never considered the "good" son as more valuable.  He never intended the "good" son to work to keep his favor; he already had given him his favor.

Both sons worked themselves to try to earn what they already had!

I try hard not to work for God.  When I do, I feel disconnected, frazzled, propelled to pick up a pencil to tick off  boxes and get frustrated.  I've learned that time spent reading in God's Word, talking to Him (in my head) as I go throughout my day, and trusting Him when I struggle to believe lies are the things that change my behavior.  Why?  Because the way to my heart is ... through my heart.  When my heart is linked into God's my behavior becomes like His!

Trusting in Grace and living like a Son,
Christina

I heard of an author, Sarah Young, who went on a quest to discover what it meant to enter into a place few dared to tread and even fewer dare to live.  The place - the Presence of God.  Out of her quest she decided she would write.  She would write of her tales on living in the Presence.  Her books have shaped thousands - maybe more.  Why?  She discovered the secret of living in a place that was deeply personal and so intoxicating it left spiritual taste buds longing for more.

This morning, I know of what Sarah Young speaks.  I came to the table (literally) a little hungry for something deeply personal.  Randomly I was directed to read Matthew 7:7 that tells the reader to keep on asking because you will receive what you ask for, keep on seeking because you will find, and to keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.

If I'm honest, I've read this over and over again too many times to count.  It has spoken to my spirit on some levels.  However, this morning, these words were a cool washcloth on my fevered forehead (so-to-speak).  You see, I've been asking for something for a long time.  So long that I often have wondered if God is big enough to answer or good enough to care.  I know - deep down - that those are lies - but they have crept in.  The creeping tells me my focus has dimmed and my patience is tired.  Yet, on a lazy Tuesday morning, I experienced the Presence of the One who loves me and knows me - and the lies that try to creep in to distract me from truth - and I have been refreshed, reborn, rewired anew in courage and Spirit.  I know the Keeper of Truth.  Today He and I spent time at my table.

And - lest you think my asking is for the trivial  (not that I care but just had to address the obvious) - the asking has been for a miracle that WHEN granted can only be credited to a Mighty Savior and Wonder-working God.  I'm continuing to ask for the too-high-to-reach for - because that's the way of this Father of mine.  He's good.  The unreachable is everyday for him.

Asking again,
Christina
And then there are days when one verse is enough to bring so much inspiration not another written word is necessary!

Enough,
Christina
Citizenship defined:



A citizen is a participatory member of a political community. Citizenship is gained by meeting the legal requirements of a national, state, or local government. A nation grants certain rights and privileges to its citizens. In return, citizens are expected to obey their country's laws and defend it against its enemies. Grolier's New Book of Knowledge.Copyright © 2016 Grolier Incorporated. All Rights Reserved.

Paul, writer and follower of Jesus, gives some pretty stout advice.  It's so stout it's followed by an "above all".  He tells his friends who, by the way, live in Philippi - a small Roman colony in the province of Macedonia in Northern Greece - to live as citizens of heaven.  

As a person living in a country in which I am not a "citizen", I get that.  I have had to apply to live and stay here by getting "legal" status.  Natives have not.  I have had to learn the language to succeed in the culture.  Natives have not.  I have had to forgo seeing my national flag, countrymen, or news on a regular basis.  Natives have not.

This did not come as a surprise to me.  I didn't go into this living abroad thing thinking I would keep my American peanut butter, norms, and rituals.  I knew what I had to give up.  I adapted.  Yet, I do not live as an Austrian citizen.  I speak the language, I function in society, I buy groceries, and expertly and with great frequency drink the native coffee but I do not live as a citizen.  

I don't hate Austria.  I just love America - it's my home.  In fact, I can remember the first time I returned to my beloved homeland.  It was 2010 and I was going home for the first time since living in Vienna in over 17 months.  A family member was dying and I was able to come home to say my last goodbye's.  My port of entry was Washington D.C.  As I walked through customs, the uniformed TSA agent behind the counter took one look at my passport and said, "Welcome home, Mrs. Elledge".  I burst into tears!  No kidding!!  She smiled (and I'm pretty sure mumbled a "Bless her heart" under her breath) as I tried to compose myself and explain this was my first time home in 17 months.  I was home.

What's so great about citizenship?  Everything!  It defines who you are and to what land, people, and core values you belong.  I can honestly say I love being an American, but it doesn't take me more than about 5 minutes of watching the latest episode of the news to figure out my citizenship to my "homeland" is becoming less and less identifiable with who I am and to what land, people and core values I belong.  That's OK!  My primary citizenship is that as a citizen of heaven.

Citizen of heaven.

Let that trickle down, melt and turn into yummy goodness in your heart.  I am a legal member and have met the legal requirements of a place called heaven.  There are certain rights and privileges I am granted.  In return, I get to obey and defend its' core values.

There is so much more I want and could say here ... But this is the thing:  live as a citizen of the place you belong.

A passport that never expires,
Christina  



Be strong.
Stand.

Be strong in nothing that you can do but in everything that God has already done; it's in His Mighty Power that you can rest assured you've got the power.I've Got the Power

Stand because of what God has given you.  To stand (as Paul writes in Ephesians 6:10-18) is not an option but a PROMISE.  You will stand.  There will be a battle, but YOU WILL BE STANDING STRONG.

We are not called to be weak-kneed, hiding behind the corner kind of people.  Mighty Power doesn't describe wimps and scaredy cats.  We are not "all that" on our own ...but in Christ we are!  If we are IN Him, through Christ, then the POWER lives in us.

Let's hear it again for the Power Rangers!  That's who we are!

Getting riled up,
Christina 
So compelled am I by God's truth, I have to camp out a little more on this Ephesians bit on the "in between".  After all the things promised through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit ...

  • Christs' home address being your heart (Eph. 3:17)
  • Deep roots into God's love and strength (Eph. 3:17)
  • Power to understand how high, wide, long and deep God's love is for you (Eph. 3:18)
  • Made complete with all fullness of life and power from God (Eph. 3:19)
...there's more!!  I'ts like those old commercials for Ginsu Knives:  

Ginsu Knife Commerical

For the low, low price of $19.99, you get a knife that can split a log and still slice through a tomato.  But wait, there's more!  They will even give you knives that can cut nails, tile, and tin cans and still slice through a hard-boiled egg and slice bread.  What is the worth of 13 knives that can do such slicing, chopping, dicing, cleaving and cutting?  What?  There's still more?  They come with a 50 year guarantee!

So, you get the picture.  If I want a knife that I can cut a can of beer open in one moment and turn around and slice a tomato in the next, I know just where to go.  However, if I'm just wanting to live a life with power, I'm going to take Ephesians 3:20 as a promise - not as a pipe dream.
Now, all glory to God, who is able through His mighty power at work in you, to accomplish infinitely more than you might ask or think.
Here we go again kids - this Trinity in action!  God gets the glory because He is able, through the power of the Holy Spirit that resides in me, because of what Christ did on the cross, to accomplish MORE ... INFINITELY MORE than I ask or imagine.

Did you get that?  HE does the accomplishing through the Holy Spirit.  Therein lies the disconnect.  I fear the Church has forgotten this part.  Strategy, planning, working, marketing, blogging, book selling - all those things may have gotten us fruit.  But, when we risk taking God at His Word and surrender to the work of the Holy Spirit in us, that's where Ephesians 3:20 things start happening ...on a regular basis!  That's when we see the Spirit work and we follow.  Best part:  we accomplish more ... INFINITELY MORE than we can ask or imagine.

And, it's all to God's glory.  When the Holy Spirit does his power work in our lives, it's God that gets the glory.  The church has worked hard to earn God's favor but they've missed releasing their rights and surrending to the Holy Spirit.  How do I know?  If the Chruch had fully surrendered to the Holy Spirit and taken their hands off the stirring wheel of religion, the world would be so in love with Jesus, so committed to following and glorifying God, and so full of power.

The Church is awakening.  There are brave souls throwing aside religion and embracing God's Word for what it is - TRUTH and POWER.

Dare to be a Power Ranger,
Christina
I am not ...let me repeat ... I am NOT an artist.  I am, however, a visual learner and therefore, I draw visuals that help my brain get stuff.  The above picture is not artwork lest you mistaken my "visuals" for ... Art.

Digging around in Ephesians.  The main gist here:  because of Jesus and His work on the cross, through the Holy Spirit, I can come to the Father (Ephesians 3:11).

I am not ...let me repeat ... I am NOT a theologian.  I am, however, an advid learner of the Bible.  I'm a literalist and therefore take what God says to be true.  When He says it's through the Holy Spirit I can come to Him - because of what Jesus has so mercifully sacrificed on the cross - I believe it.

For most of my adult life, I was never taught the power of the Holy Spirit.  You accept Jesus.  You live to please God.  The in between part - the Holy Spirit - was missing.  Friends, if we forget the in between part we are missing indeed!  It's like eating an Oreo cookie with no stuffing!  Yuck!

Ephesians 3:14 - 21 gives some more yummy goodness to this in between part.  Paul prays to God, asking that his friends would be empowered THROUGH the power of the Holy Spirit.  And - he doesn't say it here because he already said it in Eph. 3:11 and my artwork can prove it - all because of what Jesus did on the cross!  It's not playing favorites here! It's seeing the trinity of God at work!  They each play a role.  And the Holy Spirits' role is to empower.  Empower us to do great things!  These great things are later explained by Paul.  When we allow the Holy Spirit to empower:

  • Christ will make his home in our hearts
  • Roots will grow down deep into God's love and keep you strong
  • You have the power to understand how wide, long, high and deep God's love is for us
  • You will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God
Sadly, most Christians don't live empowered lives.  They live hard-working, showing up to punch a time-clock, be seen, fulfill obligations, run yourself ragged, pray and beg it works, defeated lives.  I know.  I was there.  I knew Jesus but somehow did not totally "get" the in between - the secret weapon - the Shazam factor - the stuffing to the Oreo cookie - THE HOLY SPIRIT!

When Christ is at home in my heart, peace lives there and takes up residence.  Things may not be all roses and lovely, but oh my word, they don't rattle any foundation.  When roots grow deep into God's love, fear is cast to the side.  Strength trumps shaky nerves and faith wins over reality.  When the Holy Spirit controls my mind, I KNOW how wide, long, high, and deep God's love for me is.  I don't base His love for me on temporary circumstances but on a cross stained with the blood of His Son.  And, somewhere in the middle of all this, I am being made complete.  Not by my works, good deeds, money or regular church attendance ... But by the Holy Spirit.  My life is full not by my accomplishments but by the relationship I have with my Creator.  I experience power not by my winning personality but by the Holy Spirit who chases after me with full throttle, unrestrained POWER!

It's all comes down to the in between part,
Christina



I've been asking the Holy Spirit to give me a hobby.  Before the words floated out into air I already knew what His answer was:  you have one.  Writing.  As an exercise of obedience ... And pure, raw, lovely creative expression, I believe I am to write everyday out of the impressions I have been given in my gut, soul, inner workings of me.  I've been doing that for the past few days.  Today it becomes a declaration.

With violin music in the background, today I had such a personal experience with the Father, I feel I need to share.  After reading John 17: 19 to the end of the chapter, I then knew the Holy Spirit wanted me to personalize what Jesus wrote.  In sharing this experience with you, there is person for whom I know specifically this is for ... And write the following in prayerful reference that these WORDS will bring her life.  But, I feel the need for all of us to receive this as from Jesus Himself.  So, read and insert your name where I've left a blank.

A prayer to God from Jesus:

I [ Jesus] am praying for _________.  I pray that she will be one with others who are in me - who remain in me - just like you [God] and I are one.

And - may she be so in us (remain so closely and consistently) that the world (her corner of the world) would believe her when she says she knows me.  Her WORDS would so back up her actions no one could deny that I am real.

I have given her the glory you have give me - so she may be one - as we are one.  I am in her - and yo are in me.

May she experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love her as much as you love me.  In fact, Father, I want her to be with me where I am; I want her to see all the love you gave me cause you loved me before the world began.

She knows you sent me.  I have revealed it to her - through the Holy Spirit who I will now send to be with her ... To rest on her - will continue to do so.

Then, your love for me will be in her and I will be in her.

Amen.
So after having my out-of-the-routine kind of morning ... I sit down to read my Bible and SHAZAM!  I always pray before I read God's Word.  I pray the Holy Spirit would be my teacher.  I'm weird (it's what I do) but I pretend He is there, sitting next to me, as a professor, pointing out things He wants to me know ... truth.  It happened in a very SHAZAM-like moment just after reading three verses!

Joshua 18:3 says ... "How long are you going to wait before taking possession of the remaining land the Lord God has given you?"  Back story ... Joshua is the head honcho to Israel.  They've been wandering the dessert for 40 years, their main guy, Moses, dies.  Joshua takes over and leads them into the land God only gave them by His words.  Once they got there, they had to defeat those who were occupying the land.  But, because God is a good God and keeps His promises ... they only had to obey and God gave them the land.  Now, the land was under Israelite control.  But there were 7 tribes (out of 12) that were being a little ... sheepish about their new found freedom.

In my personal and humble opinion, 7 out of 12 is about normal.  I believe 7 out of every 12 people who say they are "Christian" live in freedom and actually "occupy the land" so to speak.  So what about the others?  When Moses arrived at the land God was giving them (notice I say "was going to give them"?  It was a promise spoken.  It was reality.  It just had to physically take place.),  he sent out 12 spies.  Only 2 came back after seeing the occupants saying "We can do this because God said He was giving us the land."  Here the stats differ:  2 out of 12.

Why don't we all "occupy the land"?  This could be a great series, couldn't it?  Why don't we all experience freedom, peace, enlarged faith, blessing etc.?  I once heard a friend - who can I say really gets the "occupying the land" thing - say that most Christians have this kind of mentality:  "I know God loves me.  I accept that Jesus died on the cross for my sins.  But ... I suck.  I gotta do all these things to make God really like me."

Occupying the land?  I don't think so ...

unpacking bags in the land I'm occupying,
christina


This morning, as I sat near my open window, listening to the cars rumble into the city for another work day, I read the following:
"Hidden among you, O Israel, are things set apart for the Lord.  You will never defeat your enemies until you remove these things from among you. (Joshua 7:13)"
Because I've gotten used to and have asked for the volume of the Holy Spirit's voice to be turned up in my life, I've come to recognize a "moment".  Usually there is a stirring deep within me that tells me to pay attention.  This was one of those "moments".

I let the words sink in and then picked up my pen and wrote:
"Hidden among you, Church, are things set apart for the Lord:  money, buildings, talents, sins of idolatry, lusts, materialism, power, lack of knowledge of the Holy Spirit, who you are in Christ, God's word, accountability, legalism, systems, passiveness, lack of purpose, the need to fit in.  You will never defeat the enemy or be attractive to anybody until you remove these things from among you."
I believe these words to be thoughts the Holy Spirit has toward us - those who are followers of Christ - those who are "the Church".  The people driving their cars to work outside my window need to see that following Christ makes a difference in your life.  Having an encounter - daily encounters - with the living God of the Universe makes life attractive.

Yet, the Church seems ineffective.  Why?  I think I'll let Joshua answer that ... we've never removed "these things" from among ourselves.  Somehow its OK to not be holy, spend a lot of money on buildings, hold up a standard that is impossible to reach, look down our noses, condemn one another, judge, criticize, spend so much time in a bubble that we forget our purpose.  If we could "remove" the hidden things ... starting first with ourselves ... could we see "the Church" becoming an attractive component to society?

Don't get me started on what that would look like!  I will say it wouldn't be a building that gets filled up on Sundays and stays empty all week.

Forgive the rant ... I was having a "moment"!  But in my ranting, I hope we all stop to inquire of the "hidden things" in our own life's that if exposed would bring a whole lot of victory!

Doing my own inventory,
christina


I love feet.  I especially love summer feet.  Summer feet make great pictures.
This morning I sit outside in the backyard that has been home to us for the past 11 months.  It rained last night.  Every time the wind whips the tree that serves as my umbrella above me, drops of rain left from the storm that cling to the leaves for their last breaths of oxygen fall to my paper and smudge the ink.  I like it.  Years from now when I thumb through these pages of my journal, I will remember this morning.

Tomorrow we will move again ... to another temporary home.  Home has become a word that no longer means brick and mortar.  It is a place, but not one on earth - in my heart.

As my body sits in this familiar place, taking in the last of the scenery before another transition, I find myself looking to another home.  My feet long to be back in Vienna.  It feels good to say that ... it's taken a while.  That home has been marred with pain and suffocation.  Those feelings have almost taken on human characteristics that have intimidated me like a 5th grade Bully.

Those days are gone.  God has healed.  New growth, and love, now fill those places that were damaged.  And now, my feet long to walk in the place I call home.

This morning, knowing the great love I have for the appendage that sports brightly colored toenails in summer, God surprised me with a reminder of His views on feet ... my feet:  "Beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news."

rubbing my feet in the grass,
beautiful feet
Let your favor shine on your servant.  How great is your goodness you have stored up for those who fear you.  You lavish it on those who come to your for protection - blessing them before a watching world.

These words settled like drops of rain on a desert in my heart this morning.  They are verses 16 and 19 of Psalm 31.  So, before a "watching world" ... or in my case ... a reading blogging community ... I shout in dramatic tones and CAPITAL letters that GOD is doing a new thing - a new, beautiful thing - in my heart!

For far toooooooooooooooooo (yes, I know that's a lot of "o"s but I'm trying to communicate a point here!) long I have not believed everything in scripture!  Gasp!  I, one who has given my heart and trusted my future - my eternity - to God find it hard to believe the goodness He has for me on planet earth.  My childhood, my good ol' fashioned denominational upbringing, my own baggage has led me to believe that somehow the promise of heaven is good enough.  I know where my soul will rest when my body breathes the last of oxygen here on this planet.  But, I still find myself lacking, wanting ... more!

The "MORE" is simply taking God at His word - HIS WORD - and choosing to believe the truth that He has been trying to communicate to me ... to the world ... that His goodness is waiting to be lavished on His kids!  I'm not ashamed to say that this morning I am thanking God and asking Him to lavish me ... to overwhelm me ... because of who HE is ... His goodness.  If I can trust Him to save me from my sins, why can't I trust Him to lavish on me goodness?!

My Chris and I have noticed that we have settled into some sort of "crumb" mentality.  We have been satisfied with getting crumbs from our Father's table.  He don't want to be flashy or radical - we have been OK with asking for just enough to squeak by.  Just enough faith, just enough dinero, just enough patience ... just enough.  Oh my word!  Scripture says just the opposite!

Let the "crumb" days be over and let the lavish days begin!!

Dramatic in the waiting -
christina

I love words.  When reading a book (a real one with real pages) I love to underline certain words or phrases that cause electric-like tingles in my being that deeply resonate feelings inside me.  Words.  They have power.

When I read words, I often remember where I was, what I was doing and the circumstances surrounding their impact on me.  This morning, as I unwrapped my hands from my coffee cup and opened my Bible, I found these precious words:
Show me your unfailing love in wonderful ways.
I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God.
These words happen to be found in Psalm 17.  Sometimes, on the weekends, when I want to change up my life and hear from God in a different way from what I normally read, I read the corresponding day found in the Psalm.  For example, today is May 17 ... so I read Psalm 17.  Make sense?

Psalm 17 has been read on the 17th day of any given month for a very long time.  One "17th" day of one month, I remember sitting in Starbucks, in Vienna, with a grande vanilla latte and being pricked to my soul with these words.  At the time, I remember fighting back tears.

The tears were a result of feeling overwhelmed that God would speak to me - through alphabet letters that formed words - and emote that He desired to show me the "wonderful ways" in which He loved me.  His demonstration of wonderful started by the place I found myself:  a cozy cafe with a warm cup of my beverage of choice.  Perfect moment.  Perfect way to show me.  At that moment in time, I needed to feel loved.  I know I am loved - He demonstrated that over 2,000 years ago by allowing His Son to hang on a tree.  However, because I am girl and girl means operating out of emotion - most of the time - I need to "feel" loved.

A cafe, a cup of Java and words = feeling loved.

Discovering more wonderful ways,
christina


You must know something.  I love to write.  However, if you are not a person who believes that a human can have a personal, intimate, passionate relationship with the living God … evidenced by the things that are produced in a humans life through the power of this living God … through the person … the very real person who also happened to be God in the form of Jesus Christ … then you won’t want to read what I am about to write.  Please, don’t be offended.  It’s just not gonna make sense to you.  Instead, go have a Starbucks on me … and know you are loved.
However, if you, too, find yourself intrigued and believing what I will unashamedly call the TRUTH … then have I got a story for you! 

I truly believe that writing is sometimes my act of worship.  I know when I write for the sake of just writing.  I also know when I write when I am inspired by this One whom I love.  There is a difference. 
This morning, as I sit in my empty living room, shades drawn open to capture the wee most bit of light on this grey morning, toes cold at the tips, still in my “jammies”  and just finishing one of the best cups of coffee  I’ve had in a long time (found a coffee syrup in a local shop … wonderful!) I know that this is one of those moments where I have been inspired.
Every year at the beginning of this Christmas season, I begin to read from the Bible in Luke.  It’s become a personal tradition that has made me appreciate this time of year at a deeper level.  Being a rather methodical person, liking to read … let it sink in … write my thoughts … hear … listen … and then move on, I have trained my little brain to be “on guard” when I read the Bible.  Since I believe this book to be THE holy, inspired, truth from the God of the universe to his beloved children, I pay attention.
This morning, I only read a few verses.  I was captured by something … radiant.  How I know this to be true is the effect my spirit has when reading.  When the pencil can’t write fast enough … or the heart can’t beat rapidly enough … or the light I feel welling up inside my head can’t shine bright enough … I stop.  I know I am in the middle of a holy moment.
For the sake of keeping this blog from being an epic novel … let me make just a few points that put to shame what is rattling around in my brain.  Zechariah and Elizabeth, two really old people who happen to be a priest and a gal who comes from a whole line of priests, find themselves and childless.  Zak is a hard-working guy, doing his priestly duties.  In a dramatic tale you can read about (Luke 1), he is told his wife who is WAY past menopause is gonna have a bouncing baby boy.  He freaks.  He can’t – literally – believe it … even though it’s come straight from the lips of God.  Result:  silence.  Zak is unable to speak … consequence of not believing.
Fast forward to Baby being 8 days old.  It comes time to give Baby a name.  Angel told Zak what to name this promised little bundle of joy.  Elizabeth, too, knows what the Angel said.  THEY (family/friends) wanted to name Baby after Daddy.  Sweet.  But not in God’s plan.  When Elizabeth replies with an empathic “NO” … after a few gasps I’m sure … THEY (good ol’ family and friends again) offer rebuttal.  THEY, thinking Momma has post-pardom baby blues, turn to Daddy, who can’t speak, to clear up this little situation.  Daddy, grabbing for a pen and paper, writes … His name is John. Then, this is the holy moment …
INSTANTLY
He speaks.  He praises God.  He later gives a prophecy.
Oh the power of an INSTANTLY!  Here’s the Red Bull moment:  it doesn’t matter what Zak didn’t believe in the past … it doesn’t matter that he was a good guy who was a dutiful priest and did what he was supposed to do … what matters is that at this moment … when THEY were all watching and waiting … Zak gets it.  Zak gets that the most important reality in his life is what God says … not what THEY say.  He gets that he has suffered for months the consequence of believing his own plan over the plan of Almighty God.  He gets that the only life worth living is a life that says “This doesn’t make sense and my tiny, infinite human brain cannot even wrap my head around this … but I will trust YOU.” 
And … I-N-S-T-A-N-T-L-Y … he praises God.  He opens his mouth from a long silence and utters the first words he’s vocalized in months … they are words of extreme gratitude toward the One who he has come to know in a new way, a raw and honest way … through his own lack of believe … in his own silence.  It is God he praises … in front of the THEY that were watching.  He doesn’t care what THEY think.  He only knows that his heart has undergone a most magnificent transformation that has left him unable to do anything else but praise his God.
What … imagine with me … what if this happened to me?  What if … again, go with me on this one … what if this happened to all of us who know this same God?  Most of us - people who say we are believers of God through Jesus Christ - are very much like Zak.  We are good servers of God.  We are dutiful and good and honest, hard-working folks.  But come on … let’s be honest … how often do THEY around me … hear only praise from my lips?
Let me push the envelope a bit more.  Not only does Zak first praise God … he then is filled with an awe-inspiring moment from the Holy Spirit.  There’s a lesson in there for us. 
It was because of a pure heart, now fully submitted to God, that Zak was filled with the Holy Spirit.  There was room.  He had emptied his stuff in order to make room for the power of the living God through the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Don’t know how or if this will transfer to your head, heart, mind, soul.  I know that for me … I gotta do some emptying.  My plan in my timing and my way … it just isn’t gonna cut it.  My comfort level based on my abilities or lack thereof … wrong.  My good effort based on my well intentions … all well worth applauding.  However, the moment I get down on my face before God, acknowledge that anything good or valuable or cute or useful is not mine … has not been made or contained by my effort … but only comes from a loving, powerful and gracious God … that’s the stuff that gets “me” out of the way and allows something powerful … in an INSTANT … to take place.  I’m in!  May we all have the courage to be “in”!

 

So I’m still reading in Nehemiah … and getting so many life lessons there are not enough blog posts to capture what my little brain is soaking up.  But, perhaps, this Saturday morning, there is one more life lesson that needs to be shared.

I am a girl.  I have hormones.  Those of you who share my gender know exactly what I mean by that sentence.  Hormones are a wild and wonderful experience.  Yet, as I’m getting older, I do notice that hormones are becoming wilder and less wonderful than I’d like to admit.  This was one of those weeks.

I have been having “issues” with my friends (I’m just gonna start referring to my hormones as friends for the sake of being positive).  They haven’t been playing nice.  In fact, last week during my annual check-up, there was a need for some further blood tests and an ultra sound.  Seems I have fibroid tumors.  I know the “t” word is scary, but not in this case.  You can Google (as you can bet your bottom dollar I did) just exactly what they are:  common for “women of my age”, will go away during Menopause, can lead to anemia and cause pain in the lower extremities, usually are untreated unless they burst or begin to grow.

Couple the above news with extreme tiredness, heart palpitations,  some hair loss, pain in my lower leg, and other “swell” symptoms that need never to be shared via the internet and I had myself thinking things that I normally wouldn’t.  Cancer?  If so, what happens to my girls?  Terminal illness?  If so, would I be able to eat normally?  More tests?  What’s next?

Men probably don’t get this … but you, my female comrades, do!  Our minds take the fast track to disaster and camp out there and plan and fret and wonder.  This is where our buddy Nehemiah comes in … thank goodness, a ray of light!

In chapter 7 of the book of Nehemiah, there are 5 verses that really impacted me this week.  Nehemiah has just undergone a great feat, rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem.  He accomplished this with fierce opposition and intimidation.  Now, as all would seem well, he gave instructions for the inhabitants within the walls to stay on guard and watch the main city gates.  Further instructions were given to not only watch the gates, but also flat out close them … and bolt the locks during the hottest part of the day.

Nehemiah, are you paranoid?  Suffer from OCD?  Hear voices?  What’s wrong with you, our little over achiever?  The walls are built!  All is well … rest and enjoy the fruits of your labor. 

Nehemiah knows his enemy.  During the hottest part of the day, when people rest because of the heat, they are not prepared to defend themselves from an attack. 

Point here:  know your enemy … and never turn your back on him.

My enemy this week was not my “friends”, my intrusive doctor’s visit, my tiredness, heart or leg pain.  My enemy this week was the one who was throwing those nasty little thoughts my way …  that had no business entering my brain and camping out there, wreaking havoc on my emotions, my trust in a God who loves me, and causing unrest.  My enemy … your enemy … is real and active … and seeks to steal any and everything he can from those who would choose, by faith, to trust in a real and capable Savior.

If you look closely in the Bible for clues about who our enemy really is … you’ll find them.  He’s not pretty.  He comes to kill, steal and destroy.  That’s what those intrusive thoughts of mine tried to do.  I’m not a big bullet point, lister, kind of blog girl, however, today, we need a few bullet points to make a few points:

Know your enemy

Know his tactics

Be ready

If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you probably have some idea of the way “the enemy” worms his way into your life.  It usually doesn’t come with an attached memo.  It is usually a slap in the face, a low blow, a total surprise.

Know this is his way.  He comes to kill, steal, destroy.  He’s not gonna gift-wrap our trials with pretty bows.  It’s gonna be ugly.  It’s gonna hurt. 

Be ready to fight.  Half the battle is recognizing what’s going on!  Be alert!  Those of us in my kind of work know that we are treading in enemy territory.  Why, oh why, then are we not prepared and taken off guard when we come face to face with evidence of an attacking army?  Humbly, I confess, for the same reasons I was taken off guard this week.  We rest during the hottest part of the day.

Good news.  I just have fibroid tumors.  My blood counts came back normal.  My doctor is keeping an eye on the growth, seeing me in 3 month for another ultra sound.  I’m pumping up the ol’ vitamin intake to help off-set the less desirable “other symptoms” and checking in with my doctor on a regular basis. 

Better news.  I know my enemy.  I know his tactics.  I am ready.  We would all do well by our friend Nehemiah and learn a few things from him:  stand guard, close the doors, bolt the locks.  It’s not out of fear, but a bold statement of clearly communicating to our enemy you, nasty fiend, are not welcome here.

This week, I’m gonna be better prepared for when … because all know it’s a matter of when and not if … the enemy crawls up to my city walls, he’s gonna get a gate slammed in his face.

I love reading.  Lately, I’m stuck (in the most positive sense of the word) in a chapter of a book in the Bible called Nehemiah.  I really like this guy.  I like Him because he seems to have a good head on his shoulders.  I like Him because I see in him something I can learn from.

Nehemiah seems to know who he is and who God is … both in the proper perspective.  Right off the bat, the first thing I see in Nehemiah is what he says about God:  “God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands.” Now, that’s the kind of thing I say when God does really cool things in my life.  But, then I notice the context in which Nehemiah says this.    He’s heard bad news, awful news about Jerusalem.  He’s so overwhelmed by the news, he sits down and weeps.  Then, in his next breath … it’s then that he defines who He knows God to be.  Beautiful.  It’s just beautiful.

If you’ll allow me to piggy-back on the “unfair” theme from my last blog, I tend to default to self-pity when hit with bad news.  As I’m (hopefully) growing, I don’t stay there for very long but … it’s the default none-the –less.  Where, oh where, is my inner Nehemiah?

My goal:  to have God reset my default to knowing … knowing without a doubt who HE is … right smack in the middle of trouble … whether it’s in River City or in my heart … trouble with a capital “T” robs me of joy … and of truth … the truth of knowing and seeing this God of mine as He truly is.  Beautiful.


Today Chris and I had to go to MA35.  For those of you who don’t know, MA35 is the Immigration office for those of living in Vienna who need to apply for residence permits.  Just saying the name “MA35” brings fear and trembling to most expats!  Its reputation precedes itself!

Anyway, Chris and I dropped off what we hope to be our final papers.  As we were walking, we saw a bird fall from an overhang.  I am not normally moved by animals, their mishaps, or their drama.   Before you to think me a cold-hearted person … let me just explain that I am simply not a fan of furry creatures.  However, this little guy got my attention.

As we stepped closer to investigate, this was a baby bird that had obviously fallen from a nest.  It was apparent that he was going to die.  I know this sounds … weird … but we began to pray for this little bird.  I was instantly reminded about something I’ve read in the bible about God and his thoughts toward … birds:

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  So, don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  (Matthew 10:28, 30)



I could go on and on and on and on and on … you get the picture.  God spoke so many truths into my life as He showed me how this little “sparrow” parallels my own life.  This little guy took a tumble, yet God, Creator of all things, Mighty to save, was not outside His care.  Wow.  Let that sink in a little.

My problems, worries, cares, concerns are noticed by the same God who would take time to notice this same little helpless bird.  He cares about the bird, yet cares much more about me!  Nothing goes unnoticed by my God.

This week, a sweet friend shared something with me that is simply fantastic along this same line of thinking. She told me a story from the Old Testament about Abram.  He’s fought a battle.  He’s tired.  God sends Melchizedek to bless and refresh Abram.  Again, this God who knows when a sparrow drops to the ground knows when I fall, when I hurt, when I need refreshment.  He gives us what we need, when we need it, to move us forward.

God sent us, as corny and nature-loving as it sounds, to help this sparrow today.  However, God used that little sparrow to speak to my heart such great truth … I am refreshed!  That’s His words in action.  The care of a sparrow can send me, his child, into a place of pure peace, refreshment and the ability to move forward!

As I live in a place that very few know the loving-kindness of a Father who cares for sparrows much less know how deeply and passionately He loves them … I am moved to pray.  I am moved to trust that this love will be evident … experienced … embraced.

From the daughter of a sparrow lover,
Christina

When I was the age of Addison and Parker, words that were “cool” were: bad (meaning good), totally, awesome (best when used together with totally … as in totally awesome), bogus, spaz, chill, and to the max.


The one word I hear my girls use … and misuse … and reuse … and use again … and again … is the word “amazing”. This word is used to describe anything from a great cupcake to an experience to a person. I, trying to be above using modern catch phrases, try never to use this word in my vocabulary. However, more and more I am seeing this word in my reading of the Bible. So, I’m paying attention.

This morning as I was sipping on my totally awesome cup of coffee and having some chill time with God making use of the quiet in my house to the max, I began writing down every time the word “amazing” or any form thereof appeared in the text. It happened so often I wrote down the following:

Amazement Connection: every time ordinary people witnessed the extraordinary in normal life

To further illustrate this totally awesome concept, let me give you some examples straight out of Luke, in the new testament of the Bible, so you won’t think I’m being totally bogus.

“All who heard him (Jesus) were amazed at his understanding and his answers.” Luke 2:47

“Jesus’ parents were amazed at what was being said about him.” Luke 2:33

Then, I thought about why these experiences were so amazing. The answer is found in my definition I gave above. These were everyday people who witnessed something extraordinary in ordinary life.

I think it’s easy to read the Bible and presume that it is a historical account of things that have transpired in the past and will most likely never be repeated. However, the longer I walk with Jesus, and He shows me modern day relevance in his Word, I see pictures of how I can take what was written and apply them to my life.

What those who heard Jesus in Luke 2:47 and what Jesus’ parents in Luke 2:33 were seeing … and being amazed at … was the tangible evidence of the Holy Spirit. Now, don’t spaz out on me. I think the Holy Spirit gets a bad rap. In my upbringing, I was seldom taught about the amazing power of the Holy Spirit. Just the mention of the Holy Spirit sent chills down my spine and misty images of something very surreal came into my rather imaginative head.

It’s quite simple. The Holy Spirit made the ordinary and everyday … extraordinary … and the result was … amazing.

Recently, Addison went on a trip to Bosnia. I don’t want to say much because I’ve invited her to be a quest contributor on my blog. However, I will say … it was … in her own words ... amazing!

I’m homeschooling Libby. Two days have passed. What seemed to be a major chore has been … amazing. God has given me ability. But, the Holy Spirit has shown up in the middle of our experience and transformed this into an extraordinary experience. It didn’t happen by osmosis. I have been praying as well as many others that I would be energized and seek wisdom from the One who holds all wisdom. God has been faithful with my tiny bit of effort.

I don’t know what your corner of the world holds for you. Normal life seems to hold more mundane than extraordinary. However, if you call yourself a follower of Christ, you have a secret weapon. Here’s the deal and what I’m seeing more and more of is this: when we invite the Holy Spirit to show up in our midst … amazing things happen!
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I love to write. I love to tell stories. I've been writing since I was a kid; it's just something I do. With a cup of coffee in one hand, I attempt to show our ordinary life in an up close, personal, and authentic way. I make no apologies for my belief in a Life Author, God, who desires to show us who He is. Thus, I see our journeys as purposeful adventures. I am a wife. My Chris and I have been married since 1991. Everyday I wake up and find him in my bed, looking at me with no makeup on and dark circles under my eyes, I thank GOD he is a man of faithful endurance! I am Mom to 3 girls: Addison, Parker and Libby. They challenge me to be all I was created to be. I hope you come away with something useful, inspiring, humorous, or helpful. That's my goal ... and why I scribble words on a page. Enjoy!
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