By now you know that we are moving to the U.S. in June. These words are settling in familiar places that don't require deep breaths before speaking and don't end in a rush of uncontrolled emotion coming from a place way too deep to describe. This is God's way of transitioning our heads and hearts from one place to another. It's a gift. I am unwrapping it with great care.
I've always been a little things kind of person. From earliest memories, it was the little things that kept me up at night making imaginary lists in my head with perfect square boxes waiting to be ticked thus proving that it had been accomplished. The big things were out of my control and I did not even attempt to tackle them with weak muscles and inadequate resources. I knew the big things were not mine to tackle. The little things ... well, that was a different story.
Flowing through a rocky bed of thoughts that entertain "What if this doesn't get done?" or "What if I run out of time?" ... runs a river of peace. This river, despite mounting to-do lists, seems to be growing. In order to ensure I'm focusing on a growing river of peace and NOT a growing list of stressors, I've decided to begin a 21-day fast. My virtue is not to be praised. This fast comes out of a response to submit not only the big things that seem easiest to surrender into the hands of a good Father ... but to unclench my fists and out of my free will submit those that seem mine to tackle ... the little things.
Two days before my fast began, I got a message from a friend I have not seen with eyes in many, many years yet have beheld through Facebook. She wanted me to know that she and her church were praying for me and my family. Very nice. Warmed my heart. Then she went on to ask if there was anything we needed once we returned? I directed her to this blog - you know the place where I pour out my heart in drips and dabs - and told her we needed everything from cars to silverware. She immediately responded by saying she was going to begin a list of things she and her church could provide for us ... and that without looking any further she had a set of dishes that she would call mine. Just like that ... dishes.
The day my fast began, I got a WhatsApp message. Wihtout going into another 2,349-word description of how God used this to affirm the condition of my heart and the need for fasting I will simply say that the message was such a great reminder of God in the little things. The words "I've been thinking about you" are much anointed and powerful tools to remind us that God uses people to remind us how much He loves us ... and our little things.
So, I've got dishes. That may not seem much to you ... little things ... but to this heart who is chasing God in a new way, it's everything. It's a reminder that these little things are not mine to tackle either ... He's good. I can rest. It will be OK.
Holding pens away from boxes that need to be ticked,
Christina
