Plane tickets have been bought. June 28, 2018, is our departure date. Wow. I've bought tickets coming and going "home" for over 9 years. This is the first time I wept after hitting the pay button.
Going "home"/going "back" seems right. However, it's packed with so much emotion it often leaks out of my eyes in the form of slow, salty tears and drips to my shirt and while bringing a reflective smile to my face. I love my home - here. I love my community - here. I love my friends - here. I love what we've carved out for ourselves and what God has brought in and out of our lives:
- Sunday afternoon walks through the city
- Sleepy cafe's that let you sit for hours
- Crowded public transportation filled with others who do not make eye contact
- Lugging a granny cart to the grocery store every other day
- Speaking German with a funny American accent
- Taking a bath in the winter because it's the only way to warm up
- Buying cut flowers on a regular basis because they are cheap
- Making espresso every day
- Wearing the same pair of boots every day in the winter
- Wearing the same comfortable shoes every day in the Spring
- Kissing cheeks twice as a normal form of greeting
- Eating insanely thin pizza with ham and corn
- Grabbing coffee with parents from all over the world who send their kids to the same school my girls attend
- Traveling to other countries for volleyball tournaments
- Not speaking dialect because high German is all I know
- Eating the best sausage on the planet while standing outside the Wurstel Hut
This week, I got a sweet message from a fellow parent who just found out we are moving. Her words so touched my heart. It felt good to know I had left an impression while at the same time knowing my time has come to leave.
There is such a weird dichotomy in this parting: peace and sadness and knowing and grieving. Only those who have traveled this path and packed bags and loaded up clothes and memories know from where my heart speaks.
This is just one part of this returning home journey. I write to document for me, others, friends and family our steps. Thank you for walking alongside ...
Wiping tears while knowing its' the right thing,
Christina
It was good. Oh - my heart - it was good.
My heart could not be more overwhelmed by having many days filled with these three humans. These humans - who happen to be my girls - showered each other with hugs, smooches, snap chats, and tacky comments on wardrobe choices (all in good fun - no hate here!). Collectively they would gang up on me and fire "old" jokes straight to my heart. And lest you think for one minute they are not equal-opportunity-handers-out-of-hard-times, their Dad got his fair share of "You're wearing a fit bit AND a watch?" googly eyes of shame and fashion heresy. It was great. All of it was great! And it went by fast. Way too fast. So fast I'm left scratching my head wondering where exactly did the time go.
It was reflective. Oh - my soul - how I reflected. Every morning spent waking up at parents homes and waiting to have coffee in my PJ's and sit and talk and just look at the faces of one of my parents, I basked in the moment and tried to capture it as a living video in my head that I will replay after I return "home". As I drove by places that held memories of a former life with young girls in size 3T dresses and trips to the library and visits to the doctor, I reflected. Time slips through fingers that don't grasp the brevity of a moment until it's long gone.
I was encouraged. Oh - that place that needed it - how I was encouraged. Meeting with a group of people who partner with us and happen to be called Board Members of Fahrenheit encouraged me in my life's work. Having eight individuals see a larger vision for a greater purpose fueled my creative juices and fired a drive within to do the next thing. Meeting with a young woman who I have not seen in a few years make such progress in her personal life that she is launching into a new stage propelled me to see the bigger picture of mentoring and encouraged me to continue do the thing that I know I've been called to do. And seeing my girl - that Addie - find a faith community that has embraced her and she them grew my heart and my faith. I loved those who love her. For them I am forever grateful.
I was fed - oh my stomach and my heart - I was fed. Conversations with women who I call my "tribe" fed my heart and reminded me of who I am and who I am not. Hearing the year in review of their journeys with God, what they discovered about Him and themselves, left me hungering for more. Reuniting with old friends who have left deep indention's in my heart was an unexpected surprise and vitamin boost. Laughter, tears, observations over the dinner table with family members enlarged my foundation of home and made me even more grateful for that little thing called "blood". Insights from mentors and friends over chips and salsa that peered into my heart and dared to point out the deeper things ... no words.
And then ... the friends that I simply did not have time to meet with, the things on my imaginary list of things I wanted to try to do that flat out didn't get done, the phone calls I missed or the Target runs that didn't get made ... I just leave to God's timing and trust Him. On this eve of boarding another plane to go "home" to a place that I live and work and do life separate from a "home" here ... where so many I love and keep captive in my heart live and work and do life ... it's a weird thing. I call this a life divided ... yet totally at peace with the division. Knowing that life is short, calling is paramount, and obedience brings blessing - I hand my boarding pass to another airline worker and do the next thing. For now ...
Leaving "home" to go "home",
christina
These are the “last days”.
We’ve been packing. We’ve been
buying. We’ve been on errands. We’ve said goodbyes. We’ve thrown away, given away and thrown and
given away some more. We’ve
cleaned. We’ve tied up loose ends. We’ve tried to finish anything that had been
started.
Now … we take 5 suitcases, a brain full of information … and
clutter … and hearts full of emotions that lie deep in hidden parts and some
about to explode right to the surface … and we set out. We set out to live in a 6 month bubble that
we will try to make real life.
Addison’s room bears the scars of pictures that have been
taken off walls, bulletin boards that have been stripped of all photos and
shelves that are naked of books. She’s
leaving behind a handful of things that stand out as reminders of the great
parting that hangs over us.
Yet, on the other hand, we have turned our thoughts to what
awaits us. As we said goodbye to our
dear Maria yesterday, as she recalled the things that made an impression on her
the first time she visited the U.S.A., she reminded of the things that we have
forgotten about:
- Using a garbage disposal instead of collecting food scraps
to be put into the bio bin
- Having air conditioning … everywhere
- Having a milk container that holds a gallon vs. only 1 liter
- Having gas stations in which one has to pay before you fill
up (she thinks Austrians are so honest they don’t require pre-pay here! And, she’s probably right!)
- Trying to convert everything back from Celsius and
Kilometers into Fahrenheit and Miles.
- Being able to use American slang
- Getting ice in your drink
- And … having free refills
I am sitting a little longer in my local cafe this morning, trying to take it all in: the coffee, the sounds, the smells, the culture I now call normal. As this will be the last blog this side of the ocean … I will soak up all things of my new home as we continue to navigate feelings,
thoughts, and impressions as I return to
my old home.
Let the journey begin!
In an effort to close a chapter while at the same time transition back to the U.S. for ... a period of time ... I am all over the place!
I would post a picture of my new hair ... but it's too hot and I'm sweating too bad (no AC) to get a good look. It's short. It's colored. I feel pretty.
I would post a picture of Addison's room ... but it's too weird to see her floor covered with piles of stuff that say "take with me to college", "give away" and "keep at home". It's good. It needs to happen. It's odd.
I would post a picture of me and Libby and her friend, Alyssa, going to the pool in our neighborhood today because it is way too hot to stay inside ... but I'm already in my bathing suit and I don't feel that pretty ... despite having fabulous looking new hair. It's the truth. I'm working on it. Move on.
I would post a picture of Parker's room - clean - ... but it's been a day since she has cleaned it and well ... now it's not clean anymore. Life with Parker. Love that girl. It's just stuff.
I have a week of lots of stuff to do and don't want to do any of it. I then have a week of "vacation" here at home ... doing those things that we want to leave with on our minds ... and summer has hit!
Again ... I'm all over the place. I'll just take it a day ... ok, maybe a moment at a time ... and it will all get ticked off my list. For now, I'm going swimming! It's hot. It's hot. It's hot.
