Feet back in an Oklahoman, borrowed bed, boxes stacked and ready to be moved to another temporary location, a suitcase filled with Austrian gifts for American friends, and jet lag saying it's final goodbye, I ponder.

Oklahoma is OK!  Yesterday, the neighbor noticed we were home and asked us if we're sad to be back.  The reply was automatic.  No!  No, we are not sad to be back.  This is where God has put us and we are content and will thrive and continue to make this "home" our "home".  So no, we are not sad to be home.

Yet, having been back for almost a year, my thoughts turn toward what the year brought out in me.  I was convinced that God would provide a house for my birthday ... in August.  I was hopeful that God would surprise me with a house ... for Christmas.  I was sure that a house would be ours before Austrian friends came to visit ... in May.  I was pretty convinced we'd surely have a house by the time we visited Vienna ... in June.  No house.  So what do I do with my timetable?

Joshua led many teams on excursions that looked pretty horrible.  They faced enemies that were really too big for them to fight on their own.  The people of Isreal were small in number compared to the enemies that lived in spaces in the promised land that God said was theirs.  Yet, battle after battle took them closer to obtaining a promise.  For me, little wanderer that I am, it gives me hope and rock-solid confidence that each battle of doubt, each battle of "maybe this time", each battle of "is this the house", each battle of wanting so desperately to put up curtains on windows in a home that bears a title with my name on it ... is coming.

What trips me up is Time.  Time leaves me doubting that God's word is only true measured by an estimated time table.  Time leaves me wondering if God is really with me.  Time makes me doubt His goodness.  Time leaves me questioning that He will do what I heard Him say.  I don't want Time to have this effect on me, but there is a tiny thread of wrong believing that creeps into my mind the longer Time does not produce what I know God has promised.

You see, long before we moved across the ocean, we were sure.  We were sure God had called us to move to Oklahoma.  We were sure that God would provide for our needs.  We were sure God would also provide a house.  How do we know?  Our Spirits knew.  We were at peace.  Others confirmed.  He gave us scripture to affirm what we sensed in our hearts.  Just like Isreal walking in borrowed territory to claim their own possession we knew God was giving us a "home".

This morning, a year after moving, I am at peace.  What God has taught my heart is that He keeps His Word.  He gives me new mercies every morning.  For me, the mercy of reminding me I've heard Him and He will deliver ... on His timetable ... keeps me going another day.  Hope is cumulative.  One day builds on another.  Each day I see God's faithfulness, His kindness to remind me He is near, gives me spiritual fuel to keep going ... to keep believing.

Today I'm all fueled up.  My house awaits in His time.  So ... O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A, Oklahoma, OK!

Working, living, and vacationing in Austria has had its moments of ups and downs.  Being back in this country that stirs something so deep in my heart has brought unspeakable joy.  However, being back in this country that stirs something so deep in my heart has also brought ... stress!  Parking, language, heat, rain, cultural differences - they have brought me stress.  Yes, the experiences of each aforementioned condition themselves have been stressful but what the experience of parking, language, heat, rain, and cultural differences has stirred in me has been the deeper stress.  

"Why can't I understand?"  sparks insecurity about my language skills.  "Why is there no AC?"  stirs something in me that says suffering discomfort is bad and must be solved.  "Why didn't I pack an umbrella?"  translates I should have been more prepared. "Why did they just yell at me?" strikes some deep chord within that deeply wants to always please people.

This human condition of mine struggles against the Spirit condition of mine.  Every time I choose the human condition, there is stress.

Walk with me through the Old Testament book of Joshua.  Chapter One finds Moses' predecessor, Joshua, leader and head honcho of the nation of Isreal, leading the charge to take promised land that it took this band of chosen rebels 4o years to occupy.  The first thing God tells Joshua:

Prepare.

Seems a little ... simple.  Haven't they just spent 40 years preparing?  And yet, the Father's instruction to  His beloved and chosen was:

Prepare.

This simple word displays the Father's heart toward us in a most profound way.  His heart is always for us.  He wanted Isreal to prepare to go to a promise.  Seems a little ... simple.  But then again, the Father's heart fashioned the human heart.  He knows all too well our tendency to freak out.  Even though they were entering the promised land, the promise needed to be prepared for.

Why?
Why prepare to walk into a promise?

Before I give you my lifechanging opinion, let me ask you a question.  Ever entered the first grade, or got your drivers license, or walked down an aisle to say I do?  Wasn't there a great amount of expectation?  If you are like me, you didn't prepare.  You just walked into what you thought would be a fantastic, new experience.  But what happened when the kids in your class made fun of your lunch box?  What happened when you got your first speeding ticket?  What happened when the one you said "I do" to woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Disappointment? Discouragement?  

When we walk into a Promise, it may not always feel like or look like a Promise.

Isreal had to enter and inhabit a land that was promised to them, was already given to them, but was also going to be given to them.  However, there were going to be obstacles.  And, my fine feathered friends, wherever there are obstacles, there are doubts.  

And God, being such a good Father, knowing our hearts so well, wanted them to PREPARE for the doubt that would rush in and try to steal the security of the promise.  Therefore, the pep talk and words given to help them prepare:  I will be with you.  I will not leave you.  

Every place they stepped with crusty sandals would be theirs.  God was giving them a tool to prepare their hearts for what was to come.  Their biggest enemy was not the inhabitants of the land but their own fears within.

Be strong.
Be courageous.
Be very courageous.

Their strength and courage was their weapon.  It was a command for them to follow.  God knew what would happen if Isreal chose not to be strong and/or courageous.  The opposite of strong and courageous was not designed for them.  Yes, they might feel those emotions but those emotions were not the place they were to inhabit.  God was teaching, guiding, mentoring His kids about how to live according to His standards, not their own.

Rise above!
Live above the circumstances you see with human eyes and live by faith!

When they lived by God's words they would prosper and succeed.  It wasn't instruction about how to avoid enemy territory.  It was instruction about how to walk through it unharmed!  God has always given His kids the same message:  Trust me not what you see!  

Need a few examples:

• Daniel in a lion's den
• Three Hebrew children in a fiery furnace
• Jesus

Living by what God says, tapping into what He has given us through the Holy Spirit, transforms us, influences others and glorifies God!  And, not to state the obvious, but that's always the goal:  to glorify God!

Today, I'm preparing to encounter some stress with parking, language, heat, rain, and cultural differences.  However, knowing and settling in my heart, right now, that I am designed to walk through them and not be defined by them is my weapon!  Watch out world.  I'm prepared!!

 Being prepared in a foreign country and beyond,
Christina

Christmas stirs.  Memories, emotions, mixing bowls full of cookie dough, people, our comfort zones. This Christmas, I find myself strangely content - most of the time - in the middle of circumstances that I wish were different.

I am not alone.

In my immediate circle of friends and family, one struggles with the loss of a good friend as he lost his battle with an illness way too early in life, one has just lost a job, one needs more income to meet monthly expenses, one doesn't see a way out of a bad marriage, one needs answers to health problems, one is depressed, one just buried her Dad, one is spending her first holidays apart from family, one is caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's, one needs a new car.  The list goes on.

This season of Advent (that waiting period that leads up to the birth of Christ), I'm reframing the season to mean more than just Advent.  I want to see Adventure.  What I am getting is Waiting.  I'm reframing it because - if I'm honest - I thought it would look different.  I thought we'd have a house.  I thought I'd be decorating my new house with my own decorations while having the Martha Stewart Christmas I thought would be mine this Chrsitmas.  Instead, I have a tree I bought from Facebook Marketplace, borrowed ornaments, surrounded by stuff that isn't mine in my temporary home.

I know I come off sounding like a brat.  These are first-world issues.  In the grand scheme of things, I have it good.  I'm grateful - I really am.  I just thought it would look different.  And in the looking different, I find God.

While I wait, I am finding the courage to wait - some more.  This week, I read - what I didn't want to hear with my head - the words of Zephaniah 3:8.  Right out of the gate, the Lord doesn't mince words.  He's straight up.  Clear.

"Therefore, wait for me."

In the waiting, there are some beautiful instructions that are counter-intuitive to what my brain wants to do:   SING for joy, SHOUT loudly, BE GLAD and REJOICE with all your heart.  These are things I typically want to do when things are as I think they should be.

Yet ... God.  God does things strange to my logic yet perfect in His.  He says that I can SING, SHOUT, BE GLAD and REJOICE because He is among me.  He is a warrior who saves.  He will rejoice over me with singing.  He will bring me quietness with His love.  He will delight in me with shouts of joy.  And He will do all these things right in the middle of circumstances that I deem to be undesirable.

Strange.

Yet, that is kinda God's M.O. (Mode of Operation).  Since God is unchangeable, I look at how He brought this "thrill of Hope" into the world over 2,000 years ago.  A baby to working-class parents in the low rent district.  Such a strange way to save the world.  What appeared to be less than perfect circumstances were the perfect circumstances to usher in the light of the world.

In the middle of my current circumstances, I choose to see from Gods perspective.  I don't always get it right.  I don't always rejoice in the moment.  I often shout but not out of a place from joy.  Yet, I am squinting to see the Hope and logic of this advent through the lens of adventure.  I am choosing to see that right now He is with me.  He is among me.  He is and has orchestrated my circumstances so beautifully it supersedes what I can see with my eyes.

I'm waiting ... but not wasting my time.

During this season leading up the birth of Christ, may you find Him in the middle of your circumstances.  He is among us - especially as we WAIT!

Waiting and trying to do more shouting with joy than irritation,
Christina

"A Strange Way to Save the World"

Yesterday international movers crammed nine years worth of living into 11 cubic meters.  If you've ever relocated, you know the experience.  It doesn't matter if your move has been local, intercontinental or international, the experience is the same.

• Sort through your personal belongings to see what needs to be trashed, given away or kept.
• Pack remaining items.
• Relocate, unpack and establish a new normal.

Emotionally, the process is the same.  There is a letting go.  There is separation from your old life to a new normal.  There is the reflecting on what was good, bad and average.  There is the closure of relationships that will inevitably change.  There is also an excitement about a new adventure.  There is the anticipation of what awaits.  There is the discovering of new places, things, and people.

Two roads.

The looking back and the looking forward.

As I sifted through old memory boxes which contained notes from nine-year-old daughters who are now nineteen, passport photos of a thirteen-year-old awkward teen who is now a twenty-three-year-old confident young woman, and the Mother's Day poems of a five- year old ragamuffin, black-haired baby who wouldn't comb her hair to a fourteen year old YouTube viewer of  every beauty tip tutorial ever made ... my heart soared to the heights of sweet, sweet moments that will forever be sealed in this Mamma's heart.  I downsized.  Instead of keeping every little note I kept only the top three.  I put them in a legal-sized envelope.  I packed it away.

I lay in bed thinking of my friends who've become such an integral part of my life.   I smile and cry and laugh.  They have experienced parts of my life that are sacred and wild.  No one else knows the journey like they do.  I have little to show for our travels in this section of life together by way of material things to be shoved in yet another legal-size envelope, but I tuck their precious hearts deeper into my own knowing time and distance is soon to come.

I travel this road of transition with a great number of others.  It doesn't take away the emotion is just puts it into perspective.

Many people have asked us why we are leaving and what will we be doing.  The answer is simple.  We know God has asked us to move.  We will be doing the same thing.  We run a nonprofit mentoring agency called Fahrenheit.  We equip mentors with tools to invest in the lives of others.  We train those who desire to be mentors.  We partner with other organizations who see mentoring as a viable outlet to invest in and build the character of others.  And we do it because it's our calling.  We desire to use our new zip code as a means to better develop financial supporters to help others in countries where mentoring is not a part of the culture.  We desire to influence our native countrymen to see a bigger vision for mentoring where they are ... in the good 'ole U.S.A.

Two roads.

The road that is leading us into emotional waters of closure while also bringing us into the exciting territory of discovery, we move forward.  We move forward because we've walked a long time with God.  He's done nothing but prove His faithfulness toward us.  He's never abandoned us to walk alone.  He's always shown us peace in the midst of transition.  He's a good Father.  And we hold his hand while letting go of others.

Two roads.

After almost 30 years of walking with God, I still need to be reminded that God can be trusted.  He is a patient teacher.

As I continue to read about characters in the Bible, I am reminded of their failures and success.  They serve as signs on a highway that mark the road I am now traveling.  Saul, good King gone bad, had a hard time trusting God.  This morning I read how he was told one thing, yet did another.  His doing the other thing seemed like a good idea.  He conquered an enemy yet instead of destroying everything like He was told by God, he kept the good stuff.  Now the good stuff was going to be used to honor God - or that was the plan.  But keeping the good stuff wasn't what God told him.  It was disobedience.  It was lack of trust.

When I read this story, I was reminded that I often don't believe that God will give me better things in place of good things I am letting go of with reluctant hands.  As I pack up good things that I've put in my house over the last nine years, I'm tempted to think that better things will not come as a replacement.  Yet, God has always been faithful.  December 2008, when I packed up 13 suitcases of good things I brought with me from my home in Norman, OK, He replaced them all with better things.  So why the struggle?  Why the back-and-forth of core beliefs that God won't come through or be true to His Word?

I let logic, practical thinking, and short-sighted humanness interfere with the supernatural.  It just flat out doesn't make sense this way of following God.  He's always faithful.  He is edgy and makes me uncomfortable with the things He asks me to do ... but when I surrender ... it's always better than good.  Always.

I have a young friend with an amazing musical gift.  This morning after contemplating this wonderfully unpredictable yet faithful God I'm still learning to trust, I heard this: Lillies  Her beautiful text resounds with my own spirit.

Trust requires my faith in a faithful God to trump logic, defy my own tendency to know what is best, and fight my need to hold on to what is good for fear better will not arrive.  Yes, I must steward well that in which He has given.  However, letting go is really an act of surrender.  And surrender in God's economy is opening myself up for the better things.

Being taught lessons,
Christina

A few weeks ago, Chris attended church while we girls stayed home feeling poorly.  During the service, our pastors handed out stars.  They had previously and prayerfully collected words that they wrote on paper stars which were laminated and then passed out to the members of the congregation who were willing to take one.  There were no lightning bolts that magically appeared directing members to a star nor were there spotlights that shone on the star that was meant for you ... you just took one.  The prayer was that the word would have significance for you.  For my Chris, it did.  The word:  satisfaction.

As we capture our imaginations about what moving back to the U.S. looks like, it usually involves a sense of being dissatisfied.  On paper, when one has lived overseas in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, moving to the center of the Bible belt seems - no offense - a letdown.  Being rated among the best-rated cities for overall quality of life in the entire world - Vienna - Norman, Oklahoma seems like a far inferior place to put down roots.  I can say all of this because Norman is my home.

A feeling of being unsatisfied with the future - in our future "home" - in our future normal - has visited us too many times to count.  We've projected ourselves into the future, lacking proper coffee, places in which to sip it, and places in which to be left alone or visit for hours with another human while sipping it.

And then the word:  satisfaction.

Years ago, my dearest kindred spirit had a son who was sent to Iraq.  Months before his deployment, her imaginations were all over the place.  A mothers' heart in unrest plotting what "could" be before his feet ever traversed difficult soil.  Then, she got a word.  It wasn't on a laminated star.  It came from a place of quiet, in her spirit, from a loving God.  In a nano-second, she was at peace and satisfied with her reality and the reality of her son.  Her son would be just as safe in a foreign, hostile land as he would be in a local 7-11 in his hometown.  God was both places.  He would protect him ... no matter where he was.

Just as my friends' word brought her imaginations under submission to a greater force that reminded her of whom is really in charge of protection, our word has reminded us that God will be our satisfaction ... no matter where we are.  Coffee may taste different but it doesn't mean we will experience deficit because of our location.  The condition of the heart, in total obedience, is what sets the stage for satisfaction.  When I yield to the One who directs my paths and makes me lie down in really good, green, pastures, what I see with my eyes doesn't define me.  My zip code is not relevant.  Where my heart is ... is.

My zip code will change.  For that, I am - satisfied,
Christina

Despite my doctor reading numbers on a blood test and proclaiming that hormone levels do not indicate I am in menopause, my body, mind, and overall well-being beg to differ.  I feel ... funky.  Funk leads to worry.  Worry leads to bouts of temporary depression.  Temporary depression leads to more worry.  More worry leads to more funk.  You get the picture.

For the last few years, this seems to be a reoccurring cycle.  During these times of "I'm going to scream if I don't start feeling normal!",  I notice that I give power to all the wrong things.  There is validity to my power exchange.

When my Mom was 48 years old, she died.  She had been sick on and off for the last 10 years of her life.  When I don't feel "normal", a head game ensues.  I've recognized that I equate sickness to powerlessness because there is a belief that was discharged in my brain at a young age that sickness eventually leads to death.

As I walk with Jesus, and he teaches me His way of life, I understand more and more the difference between AUTHORITY and POWER.  Because we are a spirit, God told us that we wage war against those things that we can't see - those things that are in the spirit.  In the spirit realm, when Jesus died on the cross, He was given all AUTHORITY.  He disarmed rulers and authorities that had previously ruled supreme - and that means the evil one.

Now, the adversary of Jesus has power.  The Bible says that he is the ruler of this world.  But he, being an unfair and underhanded player of the game of life, uses his power to intimidate us into believing that he also has AUTHORITY over us.

When we are in Christ, we belong under the AUTHORITY of Christ.  That means the enemy no longer has the right to use his power against us.  But what he forgets and wants us to doubt is that the cross removed his authority over us.

That's good news.

But how does that work ... when I'm feeling nuts?  or lose my job?  or suffer injury from a jerk boss?  or fight with my spouse?  or get sick?  or stay depressed?

Walk with me a minute.  Stay with me.  Tony Evans (1) gives a wonderful example that speaks volumes to me.  If a madman comes into your home with a gun and tells you to sit in a chair or give him all your money or empty your jewelry drawer into a pillowcase ... you sit in a chair, give him all your money and empty your jewelry drawer into a pillowcase.  He's got the power.  That gun calls the shots.

But ... what if that gun had no bullets?

Dramatic pause ...

For me, when I'm feeling nuts, I'm learning to hear from Jesus, the author of Truth.  He tells me that HE has AUTHORITY.  When I operate from this point of view, the "feeling nuts" looses power.  I can choose to let feeling nuts scare me, worry me, wonder when normal will resume etc. or I can remember that Satan desires to give this feeling of nuts way more power over me than is necessary.

I'm practical.  I like that God knows that and gives me lots of practical to help navigate life.

This morning as I was dipping into my homeopathic tablets to help balance hormones and wondering when my heart would stop beating against my chest, I opened my Bible.

Don't worry about anything.  Instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need and thank Him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace.  Philippians 4

When I realize under whose AUTHORITY I reside, I take a deep breath and tell him, through prayer, what's making me nuts.  I visualize those things being taken from my hands into the hands of a loving God.  And then, that place where I can not see but certainly can feel - my spirit - is made light.

I may need to repeat this recipe several times during my day.  But, its an exercise in reminding myself who's I am ... and under who's AUTHORITY counts.

Just for fun ... let this clip below serve as a visual reminder of the source of your POWER.
You've got the power!

Gimme Power,
Christina

(1) tonyevans.org

When Libby was born, I was 35 years old.  I had settled in my brain and body that no more children would pass through my reproductive organs.  Being a mother of two girls aged 8 and 4 was more than my mind, heart and body could imagine and I was truly blessed.  I was complete.  I was whole.

... or so I thought.

December of 2002 was a hard month.  I had been feeling poorly.  During a much needed night out with a girl friend, I mentioned my maladies, and to my shock, she suggested I was pregnant.  Impossible.  Yet her words planted room for doubt.  Before heading back home I bought a pregnancy test.

Arriving late, I expressed to my Chris both my concern of my "condition" and my need to take the test.  I went into the bathroom, peed on the stick, and prayed that if God loved me ... that strip would produce a minus sign and I could go on living.  We waited the 5 minutes suggested in the instruction pamphlet and uttered nothing to one another.  If thoughts could have been heard we would have been deafened by the sounds.

The hoped for outcome failed us.  A plus sign.  A plus sign meant a baby.  There was no room for a baby in my mind ...

Fast forward 9 ish months.  The setting is a delivery room and a nurse saying "Push"!  Still in denial that a baby was in our future, I was scared.  Hours after delivering our third girl ... our 9 lb 1 oz bundle of baby girl ... I began experiencing Anxiety like I had never experienced before.

Libby's delivery into life marked my delivery from Anxiety.

Yesterday, that Libby girl of mine left for a three-day school trip.  That precious girl of mine who changed my life has her own struggles with Anxiety.  Because God is good, He uses her struggles to make her strong.  Strong as a mighty Princess Warrior.  Yesterday she had battles to face and took up arms to fight well.

She could have stayed home.  She wanted to stay home.  Despite knowing she would bond with her friends, have an exceedingly wonderful time and make the most spectacular memories frolicking about in the Austrian countryside, her anxiety was speaking loudly.  She left for her trip, not unafraid, but putting her confidence in the knowledge that God has always been by her side.  With confidence and boldness, she waved goodbye.

Confidence.
Boldness.

Two words God keeps having me pay attention to ... so therefore I am.

Confidence.
Boldness.

I see these words in reference to praying, to approaching God, to living life.  This morning I ran across them again and I sat in my blue chair and just asked God to show me more ... more of what these words mean.  As I asked, He gave me pictures in my head of my Libby.

When we are secure in the love God has for us ... we can pray, approach God and live with confidence and in boldness.  Not in ourselves, but in the God that loves us.

He determined His love for us, according to I John 14, when Jesus died on the cross.  He could not love us more or less.  It was and is settled.

I get less confident and less bold when I am unsure of my backing. Yet, when I know I am loved, I can move forward.  I don't doubt any outcome because I know God has my good outcome in His loving plans.  His love for me is settled.

I freak out when I don't think God really loves me.  When I pray for a certain outcome, I get weak kneed and worry because I think ... "Yikes!  If God doesn't' love me then this could go really bad."  I know in my head that God loves me but somehow I remain unconvinced that His love for me is settled.  I get afraid that what I'm praying for will end poorly, thus supporting the idea that I am unloved.

Example:  I experience Anxiety.  If I think God doesn't love me, then I blame Anxiety on God and attribute all the bad effects towards this unloving God.  I feel alone.  I feel no confidence to pray and certainly feel no boldness to come and ask this God for help.

But ... what I'm still learning is a far better and biblical way to live.

Example:  I experience Anxiety.  I know God loves me.  I don't blame Anxiety on Him but know He will use any bad effects for my good because He is a loving Father.  I don't feel alone.  I feel accompanied by a close friend.  I do feel confident to pray and feel bold to tell God exactly how I feel ... and watch Him work everything out for good.  My good.  Sometimes that is total removal of Anxiety.  Sometimes that is a new perspective.  Sometimes that is such an overwhelming sense of His presence I am undone.

Libby has been a good teacher.  I see in her what God must see in me:  an often frightened daughter who is learning to trust in a loving and good parent.

Thank you, Libby, for being a Princess Warrior,
Your Mom,
Christina

When someone tells me to "be quiet", "be myself", "be assertive" or "be respectful" ... I kinda raise my back feathers and want to rebel.  Just being honest.  What I first conclude is that they think I am not exuding the qualities they are asking me to display.  If they (and who in the sam hill is "they"?) tell me to be quiet, apparently I am not being ... or acting ... quiet.  Again, laying all Sunday school answers at the door and being brutally honest, I want to clear my throat loudly, stomp my foot, and whisper loud at their request to be quiet.  Quiet, in fact, becomes the last thing on my mind.  Loud.  Loud is what I want to be ... and act out ... and develop.

So when I read in 1 Thessalonians 4 what Paul writes to his friends, I cringe.  Yikes.  Paul is someone I admire, respect and consider worthy of taking advice from.  He says to them ... "be holy".  I gotta ponder that a moment, for I, the keeper of a rebellious heart, have some questions.

I am a Mom.  I love my three, precious, beautiful, smart, witty, brilliant, strong, soft, assertive, justice-seeking, single-minded, merciful daughters.  When I look at them, I don't see what's wrong with them ... for could there be any fault in such beauties?  Yes.  Yes there are faults, but not ones I want to rub in their faces and mock.  Their faults are things (characteristics/tendencies) that I see I have struggled with and want to bring into the light and encourage them to develop to make strong.  I don't want them to keep these faults hidden and neglect them and wish them to disappear.  Hiding only highlights the defect.  Exposing brings into a place of sweet revelation and healing.

So when Paul tells his friends to "be holy", I have to suppose he desires for them to take into account their current behavior in light of an alternate behavior that will bring them good, make them healthy, lead to a better way of living.

But is it behavior he is after?  As a Mom, I want a certain behavior, but not at the expense of my girls leaving their heart at the door and only feigning actions without strong conviction behind those actions.

When they say they love their friends, I don't want them to merely act like they love their friends.  I want them to love them from a heart level.  I want them to care for, pray for, devote themselves to, invest in, cry with, laugh with, stay awake for and be deeply committed to their friend.

I want their heart first.  Actions leap from the deep places in the heart.

And therefore I've answered my own questions about what Paul was saying to his friends:  be holy.  Don't act holy.  Don't put on a show.  Don't give lip service to.  Don't attend certain gatherings because.  Don't abstain from things or engage in things because.  Just be holy.  At a heart level, making a commitment to be holy, will ooze out into all areas of my life.  I will act holy if in my core and in the beating of my heart is the decision to be holy.

And then, kind of as a "kicker" to the whole equation, Paul says this after his request.  First, he tells them to be holy.  Then, he says that because God is so faithful, He will make it happen.  It isn't enough that we make a commitment to be holy.  No, God comes in and then says "I will do this for you, you sweet girl, because I see your heart and I am the One who will transform you."

Wow.

In a recent conversation with a dear friend who is a young Mother, I made this statement:  "Are you after behavior modification of a heart change?"  The same principle applies here ... be holy.  It's a statement about the condition of our core being.  The behavior springs from this place.  And if there's a good core, there will be good actions.

Being holy,
Christina

P.S.  Holy doesn't mean perfect ... and that's another story ...

Fasting.  A discipline of abstaining from food or drink for a specific purpose, usually religious.  I've had prior attempts but failed.  And perhaps the failing was just in the wrong response to what I thought I was supposed to do.  I fasted because other people I knew had fasted and gotten results.  The results were words from God.  In times of desperation and forgetting that God does not show up because I've pushed a magic button or performed above average, I've tried to abstain for a period of time.  However, those times ended by me grabbing a bag of chips at the end of a long day of no food and feeling like something didn't go right.

I knew - the kind of knowing you can't explain but know that God has put something in place and your only response is to walk it out - that I was supposed to fast after landing in Vienna.  A summer of affirmations helped me be determined to give it a try.  It also helped that I felt I had consumed so many donuts during my U.S. tenure that I'm pretty sure I broke some sort of record for the most donuts eaten in the shortest period of time.  I'm not lying.

Since Wednesday morning (August 9), I've not had a thing to eat.  Really.  And here's the kicker ... I haven't wanted anything to eat.  Despite jet lag, frozen pizza's being eaten by my children and Austrian chocolate in the fridge ... no desire for food.

THIS is how I know this is something God has equipped and empowered me to do.

Fasting may or not be what God's is speaking to you to do.  Fasting has been my "I can't do it" label.  When I knew God wanted to show me more of Him ... and myself ... through fasting I said yes.  Maybe fasting isn't your thing.  Maybe your thing that you consider your "I can't do it" label is not stressing over the little things.  Maybe it's not checking Facebook.  Maybe it's giving your money, time or mental energy to another ... without fear.  If God speaks to your heart to do, He will empower you to do it.  It's His goal for us to live abundantly.

Try.

Still not eating,
Christina

My Chris recently told me that he's been processing an idea:  ride the wave.  He's a brilliant man. Just look at the female he chose to be his life partner!  Ever since he shared his new catch phrase with me ... I've been doing some thinking.   Because Google is my friend, and never disappoints,  he (Google) had this to say about riding a wave:

Keep looking forward when you paddle.  If you look back you loose power.

I'm 48.  My Mom died at 48.  For years, an early death haunted me.  So, when health problems raise their ugly head I tend to ... freak.  Thoughts like rain drops fill my minds' buckets and trickle down the sides and land in places that cause me to over-think, under rationalize, and skirt around issues that are just plain false ... but for the temporary moment ... seem real.

I know that this is MY year of life!  As my Moms' life came to a close at 48, God has confirmed to me (in that really deep and quiet place) that 48 is my year of LIFE!  I've embraced this year!  For 8 months I've heard, when those rain drop-like false thoughts trickled into empty buckets in my mind, that this IS my year of LIFE.  And if I should react otherwise, for a moment, my heart quickens, stress rises, eyes widen, and fingers research Google ... and then I am reminded of the truth that now trumps these crazy rides of wild emotion:  This is my year of LIFE.

Deep breaths and a visible smile creep across my face as I remember His truth.  Heart beats normal rhythms, stress lowers, eyes resume normalcy and fingers chill ... and leave Google alone.  It's OK.

That's riding the wave.  

Stress lurks around every corner of your life and mine.  We can't get away from it.  It hovers, it crouches, it lays low, it longs to ambush us behind dark corners, and it waits.  Eventually, it bears its ugly head. When it does ... learning to ride a wave takes a whole lot of power away from the stress.  If you can mentally get on your surf board and just paddle ... and don't look back ... it will go away.

How do you paddle, hypothetically speaking?  When news of a high blood level on a report or a new weird thing my body is doing related to hormones reaches my ears, it's hard not to run with it.  However, paddling means reminding myself what God has told me.  Paddling means filtering everything I hear, read, see, think, imagine through the character of God.  Paddling means to sit on my surf board and ride the wave.

What if I found out today that my child had cancer?  What if I lost my home?  What if I was forced to leave my country?  What if I don't act and something bad happens?  What if I do act and something bad happens?  What if ...  "What ifs" always take us to a place that has not yet happened!  Paddling keeps us centered on the here and now.  Paddling keeps us focused on the present, knowing that whatever comes next, the character of God is good and I will be safe.

The Bible says to trust the Lord with all your heart and He will make straight your path.  Sweet.  Upon second glance, I'm struck that God has to tell me to trust Him with all my heart ... not my head.  Intellectually I know things about God.  Intellectually I know that God is love, He will never leave me, He will work out all things for my good.  However, when stress causes me to want to jump off my surf board and flap around with wild arms in deep water ... it's my heart that needs the attention.  That's hard.  Real hard.

My heart has to trust with eyes that haven't seen the end but knows the One who has the end already scripted.  My heart has to look back in remembrance of every other time I was in a pickle God ALWAYS made a way and it was good.  My heart has to overcome what my head knows ... and keep God's truth before me like a trophy.  My heart has to ride the wave ... until the end.  And after having ridden the wave, my heart is the thing that will be strengthened for having ridden.

God cares for my heart.
God loves for me to ride the wave ... until He makes it still ... both the wave and my heart.
Christina