All Things Addie

Judging from the title, you might think me a mother who plays favorites. However, it just happens to be the week of Addison's (big gulp as I let the reality set in) ... 16th Birthday! Last Tuesday, May 24, my Addie turned a corner. As I'm left holding memories of diapers and hair bows, she moves toward ending a high school career and pressing on toward her future.

It’s funny how time passes. I love the movie “Simon Burch”. It would not be wise for me to watch it in my melancholy mood; I’d sob uncontrollably and probably eat too much chocolate. However, as I meander through this stage in Addison’s life, there is a line in the movie that stands out as a focal point. The main character, Joe Wentworth, loses his mother by death. He says …

When someone you love dies, you don't lose them all at once. You lose them in pieces over time, like how the mail stops coming.

Now, I’m not comparing the loss of my daughters “girlhood” and pilgrimage into young adulthood as a death, but I do feel the concept of loss is still the same. My Chris and I didn’t lose the little girl all at once. I look at Addison, my kind hearted, determined, head strong, focused, academic, chatty Addison and wonder where the little girl went. When did I stop telling her to comb her hair after she bathed? When did she stop coming to me at night when she had a bad dream? When was the last time I picked her up and carried her because her legs were too tired? When did she stop saying she wanted to marry her Daddy? When did she quite wearing pink everything? When did she not want me to buy the bubble gum flavored toothpaste? When did she stop asking me to buy her a “treat” at the store? When did she quit looking under her pillow to see what the tooth fairy left? Where did all the time go?

She is our first, this Addison Kate Elledge. The first child must suffer the experimental, trial and error parenting styles of those who gave birth to her. Looking back, you bet your boots there are things I would do differently. However, there are also things that I wouldn’t change for all the 4.95 cheap custom jewelry in H & M! I remember peaking in on her and my Chris at bedtime. I would see that big man of mine cuddle that tiny soul as if she were the only person on the planet. He’d sing love songs in her ears, stroke hair that grew only on one side of her tiny head, and pray prayers of blessing and hope and prosperity over her little soul that didn’t even know her Creator yet.

I also remember times that this tiny 3 year old person and I would do our weekly grocery shopping. I’d place her in the shopping cart and she would hold my list. I’d give her a pen to “mark off” the things Mommy put in the cart. If she was a “good helper”, I’d let her pick out something that had way too much sugar in it or an insane amount of red dye. She’d be thrilled by her choice and I’d say a silent prayer over her health.

I love this Addison girl. I love that she has grown into somebody I like. I like that she thinks about the world in a way that makes her believe she has a part to play in its progress. I like the way she makes people feels included. I like that she takes risks and does spontaneous things … sometimes. I like that she loves to organize her notebooks. I like that she likes to hang out with me … sometimes. I like that she sleeps with her sisters and they giggle at night. I like that she see’s qualities in her Dad that she wants a future mate to posses. I like … ok I love that she loves coffee and enjoys a Starbucks date every now and then.

So, here’s to my Addison and her new journey. The road ahead only leads toward more independence, more self-made decisions, and less of me … and that’s OK. I have my memories … and that credit card!

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