Detox Update

I don’t think I’ve given a proper update about the results of my detox. In a word: success!! The first week was hard, like so hard I thought I might cry if a morsel of sugar did not touch my lips, slide down my esophagus and land in my desperate belly. However, after the first week, shazam!

In fact, I have felt so good that I started the process of decreasing my anxiety meds! After several successful weeks with no bumps in the road, I knew I was on my way out of Rx freedom. However, this week verse 29 of the same anxiety song I’ve song for years began.

Just to sum up what has been, I want to include an excerpt from my dialogue with God. I do this like uncovering a precious antiquity before a crowd of bidders at Tiffany’s … but know the words will speak volumes. These words, written through the tremors of a familiar mental earthquake called anxiety, say more …

Father,
Today I am desperate for you.
I will not fear, for you’ve taken away the fear of the anxiety.
I will walk through this because of your unfailing love for me. You have not nor will you fail me.
When I cannot feel the path laid out before me – I will trust in you.
When my body betrays me – I will trust in you.
When I want to run from you, I will run all the faster toward you.
Take my hand …
Take my heart …
Take me …
And lead me …
And let your unfailing love do its work in my heart and mind and body today.
I love you.

That was on Monday, August 22. Today … Saturday … all is OK. I jumped back on the meds, took a little down time, cried a few tears on the shoulder of my Chris, and was quiet. The storm passed. Nothing changed … yet everything changed.

I tell you this … I write this… so you will not pity me. How can I be pitied for what I gain through each battle? How can I be pitied for being drawn to the renewed point of knowing Jesus is all I need? I’ll say it again and again – anxiety is a gift. It keeps me from being less dependent on me and ever dependant on God.

Two days after my heart cry … perhaps battle cry … I read the following: “For since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for him.”

During this week, my sweet Addison sent the following link to me. I didn’t listen to it until today. The words are true. Weak people need a strong God. It is not a sign of weakness to put your faith in a big God who has all the answers. Try to be all you need and you will come up short … and empty … and discouraged all the time. Turn it over … let it go … take a chance of the God who spoke unknown universes into creation yet knows the very numbers of hair on your head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifeJRC5lvhs&feature=youtu

Forever His ...
Christina