More Serotonin, please!

For years, I have had a long standing relationship with Anxiety. The road has become a journey. The journey has become an adventure. The adventure has shaped me into the person who I am today. If my adventure was a book, there would be chapters about fear, chapters about learning to ignore the fear, chapters about coping with feelings, chapters about rest, chapters about taking medication, chapters about not taking medication, chapters about hearing or not hearing God in the middle of anxiety, but most of all.... there would be chapters about how I've learned to see God better, hear him clearer and see him more truthfully right smack dab in the middle of what I have now embraced as a friend, Anxiety.

For the most part, the ugly part of Anxiety is gone. As I age (I hate saying that), Anxiety is almost a fading memory of someone that I used to know. I will carry the lessons it taught me but will no longer carry the pain it desired for me.

So, recently I shared that I had some health stuff come up. Turns out, I started having more symptoms. Only this time, they weren't related to what we thought the root cause was ... weird.

To make a rather long story short, and to give a larger audience a clearer picture of what is going on with me ... I just found out this week that I have a "dangerously" low level (my doctor's words, not mine) of Serotonin. Normal is between 50 and 200. Mine is 7.

Serotonin does a lot of stuff for us. One of the things it does is control mood. So, my doctor was as surprised as I was to find out the culprit of my issues. I think it's safe to say that God has done a brilliant miracle!! I was/have not been exhibiting any signs of depression or anxiety. At this point, with a level of 7, most suffers of low Serotonin are in the fetal position and having a hard time functioning in life. To me ... this is just the best news since finding out I can watch Designing Women on YouTube!

Serotonin feeds neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters make the body function properly. I am not a medical professional nor do I play one on T.V. Everything I have found out has come from my doctor or Google. But, we've come to discover that my increasing symptoms of difficulty breathing, headaches, fatigue, rapid heart rate, fluctuating temperatures ... all a sign of my low Serotonin.

Left undiagnosed, patients can be diagnosed as suffers of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia. The symptoms are/can be the same. Thank goodness I have a doctor who is thorough and checked out every little thing in my blood!

Now, I wait for high-power vitamins to kick-in. I try to rest when I am tired (which feels like most of the time). I try to reduce stress. Stress is the sucker of Serotonin. Anyone who has a real life and doesn't live in a bubble cannot live without stress. We'll see how that goes...

The biggest thing going through this? Feeling like my children are missing out because Mom is tired or sick all the time. Worrying about not meeting demands of a "job" that could negatively impact me.

Here's what I'm learning to do about my biggest worries ... let them go. I have beautiful, wonderful, caring children who will be fine! Because I buy cookies when I wanted to make them, order pizza ... twice ... OK, three times during the week because I am too tired to cook ... it's not gonna negatively impact them. What they are gonna see is a Momma who invites them to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie ... again. What they are gonna see is a Momma who is honest ... and is gonna tell them that I don't like the way I feel ... but know it's not always gonna be like this. What they are gonna see is a Momma who is gonna conserve energy and save it for doing stuff with them and not get stressed out about work goals that aren't being met ... or expectations that aren't being achieved.

I'm learning that God is pleased with me when I am obedient to Him. If that means letting my worries go and popping more popcorn because I don't have the energy, mentally or physically, to move ... then that's what I am supposed to do. I am tired of the thing inside my brain that tells me I am wasting time if I am not producing. It's overdue for that old thinking to go away.

So ... if you are a praying person and you are reading this ... pray that I will rest and that my Serotonin levels will increasingly rise.

Chris always asks me this ... "How is your heart? Are you at peace today?" My answer: "Yep!" My heart (physically and emotionally) is good ... and I am at peace!  Just like my old friend Anxiety ... I think Serotonin will teach me more of learning to see God better, hear him clearer and see him more truthfully right smack dab in the middle of what I am going through now .