Frau Hayden

My little neighbor, Frau Hayden, is 94 years old.  Since we've been her neighbor, I've had a fond affection for her.  In my culture, there is a separation of peoples.  When you want to/should show respect and honor ... in cases of age, authority or position, you use "per Sie".  This is the formal "you".  Americans have no concept of this formality. 

Usually it is up to the elder in the relationship to break the invisible formality by switching ... usually by a statement of intention ... that you can use "per du".  This is the informal "you".  This not only changes the vocabulary you use in addressing one another but also changes the level of intimacy.

Right now, I am somewhere in the middle of this transition with Frau Hayden.  Despite being neighbors for over a year, despite my bringing flowers, bowls of soup, and American cookies we are still in the "per Sie" phase.

My Chris recently discovered Frau Hayden in the lobby of our building.  Struggling to get her grocery cart up the stairs, she explained that she had been in the hospital and was recovering from a foot surgery.

Of course my Chris offered to help her up the stairs and invited her to ask us for help anytime she needed it.  Instead of a polite "thank you" she said she would.  She also said she had considered calling us while she was in the hospital.  This was a huge tactical move on her part ... one toward intimacy.

This week I brought her some fresh homemade tomato soup.  It was cold outside (snow) and offered to go to the store for her.  What I received took me by surprise.  She gave me list of things she wanted me to accomplish for her!  I went to the drug store, her cash in my hot little hands, on a mission.  She trusted me.  She took another step toward friendship.