Longing

I love the sun.  I love it most when I am in it.  Living in a grey city most of the time, the sun has become something I long for ... really!

I never was an advocate of the sun.  I mean I liked it and all ... I just never really put any value in or on it ... until I began to live without it.  That's when I realized the importance, the worth, the benefit and the need I have of this ball of fire packed with vitamin D!

Just like the sun, I think I pretty much long for anything I don't have.  I long for short hair now that my hair is long.  I long for bread now that I am gluten intolerant.  I long for long conversations with my mom now that she lives in heaven.  I long for short trips through the drive-through ... any drive-through ... now that I don't have one (OK, there is McDonald's but they are pretty few and far between.)  I long for the days that my girlie's were babies now that they are grown up.  I long for a route 44 Diet Coke from Sonic with lots of ice now that Diet Coke makes me sick and I live in a land of no ice in soda's.  I long for time to stand still since I have one of my fledglings getting ready to fly the coop.  I long for nights to be longer now that hormones interfere with good sleep.  I long for a size 8 jeans now that I ... wear a different size. 

Yep.  Longing.  As I get older, I find myself longing for a place to call home.  I love my home but am reminded all too often that it isn't the place I was made for ... and I feel the effects of that alienation all to plainly.  When I don't feel like I fit in, look cute, know enough, am competent enough ... I can feel that longing creep in.  It's not escapism.  It's hope in a reality that will one day take place.

In the meantime ... I look through pictures of short hair cuts, drool over bread, and complain about no ice ... while trying to be mature enough to remember that longing needn't be bad when I long for the right thing.