Couch Time
Chris and I have been seeing a counselor. It seems that our years spent as ex-pats and our unconventional life have beaten us up a little. Any good paid road needs tolls paid, and we've paid ours. Now, as we recover, we need to drive over to the side of the road, breath, and take in the scenery.
I take a deep breath as I type those words "counseling". Unfortunately, our society still flings untrue adjectives toward subjects of those receiving counseling ... or as I like to refer to it ... couch time. I, on the other hand, see this as two healthy people trying to deal with a bunch of unhealthy.
"Couch time" has shown me a major truth about myself. Through the years Anxiety has taught me the value of being weak. However, what I have not yet learned is the freedom of living without guilt! When I feel weak, I still feel guilty about being weak. Unwelcome but familiar thoughts plague my mind:
- If I really loved Jesus I wouldn't be feeling this way.
- Why can't I just move on?
- I am not the Mother/Wife I need to be.
- I should be doing more.
The human experience is much more than living from one good experience to the next. Most of life is marred by hurtful, difficult, and irritating things that desire to rob us of enjoying the moments.
I am learning that walking with Jesus - living life through a lens that sees things from His perspective- means taking everything in through a filter. The filter is Jesus. The filter takes the good, the bad, the ugly and runs it through His peace. His peace, not mine, allows me to breath.
Practical example: Anxiety raises it ugly head. I am undone over my future, my hair, the condition of the world ( and yes, some days all of those have equal value in my world). I sit and stew letting the Anxiety take me down roads that are bumpy. However, in Jesus, I can stop the journey. I can capture my crazy fears. Yes, all those things could happen. However, I can hurl all of them at Jesus, who is more than capable to destroy them, and I can restore my peace ... His peace in my life.
As a follower of Jesus Christ, I live in a world that tries to undermine who I am. I am a child of a King. I am a person of great value. I am a new person. I am created to do good things. I am priceless. I can always have peace. Taking a moment to remind myself of that is all that is needed to realign, refocus, restart.
More "couch time", breathing, and taking in the scenery sure helps!
christina
1 comments
Yay for the braveness of you!!! So appreciate your willingness to be transparent and vulnerable! I always fear that false image that missionaries are super humans who never stumble or fall. May you always be aware that God sits with you during your couch time, and how He rejoices over you as you walk this path with Him!
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