Sound Maker

Yesterday as I walked to my neighborhood grocery store, I kept hearing a loud bellow.  At first I thought it could have been an animal for it sounded so primal.  Then, as I noticed groups of students walking out of a near by business school, I thought that perhaps a few of them were acting silly - hence the sounds.  However they were looking in the same direction ... we were all strangely drawn toward the awful bellowing.

After I rounded the corner from my cozy little side street onto the main road, I caught a glimpse of the Sound Maker.  A young man, in his early twenties, visibly stricken with some sort of mental illness.  Immediately I began to pray.  What was my role?  What did God want me to do ... say ... be in this situation.

I began walking toward the Sound Maker.  He would be stirred by some sort of invisible irritation, begin to wildly shake his head, and then pound his fists into his mouth that had begun to bleed.  I felt a maternal need to protect this young man.

As I crossed the street in my effort to get closer to Sound Maker, I noticed a middle-aged man watching him, trailing him, following his every move.  In German, I asked him if he knew this young man.  He turned and looked at me with eyes that were hollow and tired.  He knew him.   I'm assuming the tired eyes belonged to Sound Maker's father.   I then asked him if the boy was OK.  He turned to look at me again, and said, "Yes.  He's OK.  It's not OK, but he's OK."  His weariness in those tired eyes spoke more than his three sentences.

I felt released by the Spirit to move on ... but this Sound Maker and middle-aged follower Father stayed in my heart long after their physical bodies left my presence.  All I could do was pray as the Sound Maker continued his bellows .. and the middle-aged follower Father kept a watchful eye on his companion.

I don't know what I'm supposed to "see" in this situation.  At first I see the horror of mental illness ... and continue to pray for the power of the living Christ to miraculously heal this Sound Maker.

Then, I keep seeing the eyes of the follower Father.  Eyes that were focused on the one in distress, following close enough to intervene but far enough to let him wander.  It's here I keep landing ... seeing myself as the Sound Maker.  Too often I have struggled and faced my invisible irritations alone ... letting out primal sounds of distress while my following Father kept His watchful eye on me.  How did I not see His watchful eye?

Thank God I know now the nearness and closeness of a loving Father who has turned my bellow from a primal scream for help to a joyful song of gratitude for what I now have with Him.  And yet, there is a haunting that lingers deep inside me this morning.  I can't keep from wondering about Sound Maker.  How many people are like Sound Maker?  They don't shake their heads wildly or let out primal screams or shove fists into bloody mouths.  They are well-dressed, put together, maintain jobs, attend conferences, study, mother, and most frightening ... perhaps attend church.  Yet, inside ... they are just like Sound Maker.  They cry out from hurts or lostness or faintness of soul.  Oh that they find the eyes ... no ... that they turn around and see the eyes of a following Father ... and run into His arms and find all they need.

hearing bellows,
christina