Libby's Challenges ... (are really all about me!)

„Just as the disciples were able to cast out demons and heal through his power, Jesus suggests that they should be able to feed the crowd. Their reply considered only what they themselves were capable of doing. They did not consider Jesus’ power.”

NLT Study Bible, pg. 1660.

Now, I’ve never cast out a demon or healed a sickness. If I do, I’ll be sure to blog it. However, when I think about all the things God has asked me to do … given me the ability and flat out courage to do … it’s amazing! However, that seems to never come up when faced with a new challenge. All I can think of is how I am gonna get through this … how I am gonna accomplish this … how I am gonna managed this … I … I … I ….

Libby, my sweet little Libby, has had some challenges in school. When she finished Pre-K they said “You know she’s a little young for her age. You might think about keeping her back.” We sent her to Kindergarten. When she finished Kindergarten, they said “You know she’s a little young for her age. You might think about keeping her back.” We sent her to 1st grade. When she finished 1st grade here in Vienna, they said “You know she’s a little young for her age. You might think about keeping her back.” We did.

It soon became apparent that the being young wasn’t the issue; it was something more. At the beginning of 2nd grade, they said it seemed she was having issues reading. We worked harder on reading. Then, a few months back, they said they thought there were deeper issues and we should have her tested. We had her tested.

This week, I met with the awesome specialist that tested Libby. We at first thought the bi-lingual language setting was the issue. It’s not. We thought it could be various other labels. It’s not. The bottom line is I’m gonna start unofficially homeschooling her after school. I know this sounds weird, but she only goes to school until 12:00 pm 3 days a week and 1:00 pm two days a week. After my meeting with the specialist, its apparent Libby needs help. After a truck load of information and a hand full of extra materials to get me started, we are well on our way to help Libby.

As is the case with most of my life circumstances, I made it about … me. I’m so good at doing that. Before the meeting, I thought …

What if Libby gets a label? What will I tell people?
What if Libby needs extra help? What will I do?
What if __________________. What will I do?

Ugh! Are you like me? Do you sometimes make yourself sick? I look at my natural tendencies and think, “Come on woman! What is your problem? Trust God. Breath. Move forward!” After all, that’s the advice I would give someone else. Yet, when it comes down to me … I’m such a slacker and revert to what seems to come so naturally … fear!

I love the quote I gave in the beginning of this blog. It came after reading in Mark about the miracle of the feeding of the 5,000. The disciples had just come back from doing amazing things (healing, casting out demons). Then, when a little thing like hunger comes up, they seem to render themselves powerless. Jesus says, “YOU” feed them. They saw that as an affront to their abilities. They couldn’t feed them. They did not consider Jesus’ power – only their own.

Shazam! That’s me in this Libby situation. I’m looking at my own abilities … and the lack there of … and coming up short. After the meeting, it was apparent Jesus was so gently whispering to my Mother’s heart … “YOU do something to help Libby.” It didn’t take long for me to know and be excited that He could use me to help her. In what seemed to be a really long nano second, I knew that as we hashed out all the “options” of other’s trying to help Libby, I was the obvious “other”.

The really cool thing was what came after my declaration to be the “one”. The specialist said to me:

“You know I had a reading disability when I was a kid. It was my Mom who helped me to read. She was the best teacher for me.”

I gave a sweet smile of affirmation but inside I was sobbing like a baby … knowing Jesus was so good to give me the affirmation I needed to move forward. He had just fed the 5,000 in my life.

Yesterday, we sent Addison off to Bosnia for a “M” trip. Their plans were shaky as they left for their destination that had received 5 feet of snow over night, spent the night in Croatia, and still haven’t heard from them.

I am powerless to do anything. All I can do is trust the feeder of the 5,000 to do what needs to be done in this situation … and with my sweet first-born so far away.

Who is this Jesus … who feeds 5,000 … who calms a Mother’s heart? He is Jesus. He is the capable One. He is …

And me ... what about me? I am the one He loves ... is patient with ... shepherds ... talks to ... listens to ... and calls on to trust Him. Wow.