Letting Go

Today I was thinking about my oldest.  I sent her a text to encourage her.  Then I wondered how I would send her a text when she is in America and I am here.  Then, I got sad.  Then, I began to worry.  Then, I wanted to research the cheapest phone plans w/unlimited texts to America.  Now ... I write.

I am not the only parent ... the only Mamma ... who has walked in these uncomfortable shoes called transition.  I know there are others all over the world who have sent their babies off to other countries to make their way in the  world.  I know that hours have been spent by Mamma's looking through baby books and recalling all night feedings, first steps and words and wonder where the time has gone.  I know I am not the first ... but it's the first for me.

This morning as I was spending some time in front of my window ... in my comfy chair ... soaking in the light wind and the struggling sunlight through grey clouds ... I was reminded that this life I've chosen is to be lived by faith ... not by sight.

Interesting.  Living by faith for your babies is harder than to live by faith for yourself.  I want to provide.  I want to protect.  I want to hide my baby ... make things easy ... bless ... and make sure her hurts are quickly comforted.  Yet, now is the time for me to put my own faith to the test.  If I believe what I say I believe about this God of mine ... then I have to let go ... and trust Him ... to take care of this one who is the first to vacate Elledge territory.

I'm pretty sure all night feedings, first steps and words were way easier than this ... letting go.