Hearing

"How do you know when you hear from God?" Asked my young friend.  She asked the question because she said she has heard me say that when I was reading (usually my Bible), or praying, or walking to the grocery store, or just doing nothing, I knew God was saying _______ .

Truthfully, I didn't know how to answer her.  Doesn't every child know the voice of the Father?  Yes, there are times when what I may be hearing in my spirit (that way down deep part of me) may be bad pizza but usually it's the voice of my good, good Father.  But, this listening and knowing it's Him has taken awhile to develop.  And honestly, it takes practice.

This morning I needed some practice.  The last two days I have really been struggling.  Unless you are a 47 year old female who knows the "unspoken" things of which I speak related to hormones, you need not nor would you understand what I'm about to say:  "I've been a physical and emotional wreck".  No need for details.  It's not been pretty.

This morning, of all mornings, my daughter has a basketball tournament.  Perfect timing.  It's exactly what I want to do:  sit on a hard bench all day - cheering for middle school girls - smelling middle school girls - until 6:00 p.m. - only to ride a bus and subway more than 45 minutes home.  I can't think of a better way to spend my hormonally challenged day.  (Insert biggest load of sarcasm available!)

So, this morning, despite feeling the urge to push forward in hopes to win "Mother of the Year" at least once in my life, I stopped.  I am sitting at my table, with coffee, and taking a "time out".  I'm a mess and not fit to be around people.

I need to hear from God.  I need to hear that I am loved - despite the look on my face that says I could be dangerous to small children and elderly who cross my path.  I need to hear that He is in control - despite my feeling out of control - thus the comment about small children and elderly.  I need to just be.

The caffeine has kicked in ...the quiet has surrounded me ...and I know I've heard from the One who loves me even in my current, wretched condition.  I hear:  "Lead me in the right path, Oh Lord, or my enemies will conquer me.  Make your way plain for me to follow."  (Psalm 5:8).

My paraphrase - "Lead me in the right path Lord - or these hormones will get the best of me or someone else.  Make your way plain for me to follow - despite wanting to kick a dog."

And so I go through my day with hormones and yuck and hard benches and smelly girls ...but now I've heard from my Father - and it will be OK.

Ugly yet still loved,
Christina