I was a great kid.  Really!  Just ask my Dad.

I was a first-born, rule-following, obedient, tidy, quiet, even-tempered, self-conscious, always did my homework, never lied to my parents kind of kid.

If ever I did anything to upset my parents, I withered.  All it took was a disappointing look to send me into depression.  If ever I concealed a sin to those who brought me into this world, I would suffer stomach pains until I confessed, did penance, and wiggled back into the good graces of those who provided a roof over my head.  Thus, as you can plainly see, I was a good kid.

My good behavior was driven not by a good heart but rather by the reward of not being disciplined.  I just didn't want to get into trouble.  I didn't like confrontation.  I didn't like the feeling I had disappointed authority.  And so I developed some "rules":

• Good kids didn't rock the boat.  
• Good kids avoided pain.  
• Good kids performed.  

Good kids end up with ulcers.

When I was old enough to understand what a relationship with God looked like - to some degree - I carried my "good kid" image into my relationship with my spiritual Father.  I obeyed.  I avoided pain and discipline.  Imagine my shock, dismay, bewilderment and flat-out, world-rocking confusion when bad things happened while I was busy being a "good kid".

Reality is bad things happen in the middle of a life that often doesn't make sense.  Why does a 38-year-old Mom suffer a stroke?  Why does a house sit on the market for over a year without selling?  Why does a job get lost?  Why does a friend hurt?  These were all things that happened to me even though I had not committed any heinous crime, been willfully disobeyed, sinned, or rebelled.  Yet bad things happened and this good kid was stunned.

So let's jump ahead to where I am now ... a 49-year-old good kid.  What have been the lessons?  What I've come to learn from a good Father is that "discipline" doesn't have to be defined as the punishing of bad behavior.  Discipline can mean training to think about the lessons enclosed within the bad thing.  Discipline can mean re-training my brain, normal response, and reactionary default from freaking out when the bad thing happens to a "what is God trying to show me or use for my good" attitude while in the middle of the bad thing?

The Bible uses words that often tweak my tiny brain:  "Child, don't make light of the Lord's discipline.  God disciplines those he loves."*  I used to think of discipline as something to be avoided.  I had equated discipline with punishment.  However, when I look through the lens of a good God actively participating in His children's daily lives, discipline looks really different.  Discipline looks like a Father using the bad things that happen in my life as a tool to bring out in me something far greater and of more value to me in the future.  Instead of fear, He's showing me that standing face-to-face with an issue and trusting Him smack dab in the middle of it takes my enemy off guard and makes me strong.  Instead of worry, He's showing me that trusting His plan and timing is more productive and beneficial to my health.  He's showing me what life looks like when I look to him in the middle of the bad.

True confession, I am still a good kid.  However, I'm not trying to avoid discipline anymore.    I'm in training for living life in a way that is best for me ... and usually, never makes sense!

being "good",
Christina

*Hebrews 12: 5 - 6